MeetPositives Wordpress Feed http://feed.informer.com/digests/0XGN6OGBS8/feeder MeetPositives Wordpress Feed Respective post owners and feed distributors Tue, 19 Sep 2017 02:11:03 +0000 Feed Informer http://feed.informer.com/ Here’s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men Over 50 https://findaqualityman.com/heres-the-secret-to-flirting-and-meeting-men-over-50-2/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:ef65aa25-3fbc-7020-5032-7ac46f35c12b Wed, 15 May 2024 12:00:35 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/lisa-blog.png" medium align="left" /><p> Here&#8217;s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. Approaching men over 50 in real life can feel pretty scary because we are afraid of being rejected. But it’s actually a lot easier than</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/heres-the-secret-to-flirting-and-meeting-men-over-50-2/">Here&#8217;s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men Over 50</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Here&#8217;s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men</strong></span></h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><strong><em><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="wp-image-20880 alignleft" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog.png" alt="Secret to Flirting and Meeting Men Over 50" width="338" height="190" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog.png 560w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog-300x169.png 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog-150x84.png 150w" sizes="(max-width: 338px) 100vw, 338px" />You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/Ppn4vRXrgvM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">clicking here</a>.</em></strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Approaching men over 50 in real life can feel pretty scary because we are afraid of being rejected.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">But it’s actually a lot easier than you think once you know how.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Flirting starts with you not being attached to how it&#8217;s going to turn out.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Instead, you&#8217;ll want to go into this with the mindset of having fun meeting someone new and interesting in the real world. (or online)</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">And if it goes somewhere, great.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If it doesn’t, don’t get discouraged.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Think of it as having had an opportunity to practice a new dating skill.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>The art of flirting is about giving men a signal that you are safe to approach.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">The first thing you want to do is make eye contact and smile.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">This displays a feeling of warmth and friendliness, making it easier for a man to approach you.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>To get his attention, ask him a question.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Most restaurant bars have televisions tuned into sports.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Sports are an easy icebreaker because you can always ask something about football, baseball, or basketball based on what’s on the big screen.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>You want to keep your questions open-ended, which means staying away from yes and no questions that can stall a conversation before it ever gets started.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Once things get rolling, you can extend your hand and say, “Hi, I’m Lisa.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">He’ll extend his hand and say, “Hi, I’m Mike.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Use his name often in the conversation. People love hearing their names.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">A really easy way to do this is by complimenting him . . . “Oh Mike, you have the most gorgeous blue eyes.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Men love flattery just as much if not more than women do, so genuinely compliment him when you can</strong>.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">While the two of you are talking, you’ll want to continue the art of flirting by laughing, leaning in when he speaks or lightly touching him on the arm or hand from time to time.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Also feel free to use light sarcasm that is playful about you, him, or the two of you.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>It’s important to keep reading “the vibes” that are happening during all of this. </strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If you find you’re only getting one-word answers . . . it’s likely he&#8217;s not interested.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>But if he engages, talks and compliments you, you&#8217;ve begun a connection.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">And you want him to ask for your phone number.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Here are a couple of ways you can make that happen without appearing too forward.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If he asks what you do, pull out your business card and say, &#8220;Here&#8217;s what I do, Mike.&#8221;</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>This is a very subtle way of giving him your number without being too obvious about it and if he’s interested, he’ll give you a call.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You can also let him know how much you liked meeting and talking with him.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Then add, &#8220;I would really enjoy having the chance to continue learning more about you.&#8221;</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Again, you’re showing him it&#8217;s safe to ask you for your phone number.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Let’s say during your time together, you’ve been talking about spots around town or new restaurants that have opened.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You can always relate back to this topic by saying something like, “If you ever find a great place you enjoy, let me know.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">This is another subtle way to get him to ask for your number.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Now here’s a fun way to get his number.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You can ask him a question like, &#8220;Do you eat out every night or do you cook for yourself?&#8221;</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Once he answers, ask him, “What&#8217;s your favorite thing to cook?”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">When he tells you what it is you can say, “I have an amazing recipe for that, would you like it?”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If he says yes, you can say, “How about I text it to you when I get home. What&#8217;s your number?”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>A little more forward but not super aggressive.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Go out and use what I’ve shared with you today about flirting.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I’ve had clients meet great men in the real world while having fun doing this. You can too!</span></p> <p>Want to leave you with a little inspiration that you can find love after 50!</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>I am having so much FUN dating at this time in my life!</strong></p> <p><em>Hi Lisa:  Thanks to your group program, I am communicating with multiple men now on dating sites.  Most importantly, I am having fun!  The fact that this is a process seems to have clicked which has greatly reduced my frustration.  I know that meeting a quality man will be so worth the time and energy that I have been putting in. Thank you for all the strategies and the support! Jolene, Mn.</em></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Believing in you!</span></p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" Here’s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men Over 50 https://findaqualityman.com/heres-the-secret-to-flirting-and-meeting-men-over-50/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:f9f76286-46a5-2d7b-6fd1-5e032bb74ee4 Wed, 08 May 2024 16:16:42 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog.png" medium align="left" /><p> Here&#8217;s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. Approaching men over 50 in real life can feel pretty scary because we are afraid of being rejected. But it’s actually a lot easier than</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/heres-the-secret-to-flirting-and-meeting-men-over-50/">Here&#8217;s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men Over 50</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Here&#8217;s The Secret To Flirting and Meeting Men</strong></span></h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><strong><em><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="wp-image-20880 alignleft" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog.png" alt="Secret to Flirting and Meeting Men Over 50" width="338" height="190" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog.png 560w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog-300x169.png 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/lisa-blog-150x84.png 150w" sizes="(max-width: 338px) 100vw, 338px" />You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/Ppn4vRXrgvM" target="_blank" rel="noopener">clicking here</a>.</em></strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Approaching men over 50 in real life can feel pretty scary because we are afraid of being rejected.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">But it’s actually a lot easier than you think once you know how.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Flirting starts with you not being attached to how it&#8217;s going to turn out.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Instead, you&#8217;ll want to go into this with the mindset of having fun meeting someone new and interesting in the real world. (or online)</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">And if it goes somewhere, great.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If it doesn’t, don’t get discouraged.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Think of it as having had an opportunity to practice a new dating skill.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>The art of flirting is about giving men a signal that you are safe to approach.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">The first thing you want to do is make eye contact and smile.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">This displays a feeling of warmth and friendliness, making it easier for a man to approach you.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>To get his attention, ask him a question.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Most restaurant bars have televisions tuned into sports.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Sports are an easy icebreaker because you can always ask something about football, baseball, or basketball based on what’s on the big screen.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>You want to keep your questions open-ended, which means staying away from yes and no questions that can stall a conversation before it ever gets started.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Once things get rolling, you can extend your hand and say, “Hi, I’m Lisa.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">He’ll extend his hand and say, “Hi, I’m Mike.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Use his name often in the conversation. People love hearing their names.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">A really easy way to do this is by complimenting him . . . “Oh Mike, you have the most gorgeous blue eyes.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Men love flattery just as much if not more than women do, so genuinely compliment him when you can</strong>.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">While the two of you are talking, you’ll want to continue the art of flirting by laughing, leaning in when he speaks or lightly touching him on the arm or hand from time to time.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Also feel free to use light sarcasm that is playful about you, him, or the two of you.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>It’s important to keep reading “the vibes” that are happening during all of this. </strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If you find you’re only getting one-word answers . . . it’s likely he&#8217;s not interested.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>But if he engages, talks and compliments you, you&#8217;ve begun a connection.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">And you want him to ask for your phone number.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Here are a couple of ways you can make that happen without appearing too forward.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If he asks what you do, pull out your business card and say, &#8220;Here&#8217;s what I do, Mike.&#8221;</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>This is a very subtle way of giving him your number without being too obvious about it and if he’s interested, he’ll give you a call.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You can also let him know how much you liked meeting and talking with him.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Then add, &#8220;I would really enjoy having the chance to continue learning more about you.&#8221;</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Again, you’re showing him it&#8217;s safe to ask you for your phone number.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Let’s say during your time together, you’ve been talking about spots around town or new restaurants that have opened.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You can always relate back to this topic by saying something like, “If you ever find a great place you enjoy, let me know.”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">This is another subtle way to get him to ask for your number.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Now here’s a fun way to get his number.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You can ask him a question like, &#8220;Do you eat out every night or do you cook for yourself?&#8221;</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Once he answers, ask him, “What&#8217;s your favorite thing to cook?”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">When he tells you what it is you can say, “I have an amazing recipe for that, would you like it?”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If he says yes, you can say, “How about I text it to you when I get home. What&#8217;s your number?”</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>A little more forward but not super aggressive.</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Go out and use what I’ve shared with you today about flirting.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">I’ve had clients meet great men in the real world while having fun doing this. You can too!</span></p> <p>Want to leave you with a little inspiration that you can find love after 50!</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>I am having so much FUN dating at this time in my life!</strong></p> <p><em>Hi Lisa:  Thanks to your group program, I am communicating with multiple men now on dating sites.  Most importantly, I am having fun!  The fact that this is a process seems to have clicked which has greatly reduced my frustration.  I know that meeting a quality man will be so worth the time and energy that I have been putting in. Thank you for all the strategies and the support! Jolene, Mn.</em></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Believing in you!</span></p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" Why Being Honest Online Matters in Over 50’s Dating https://findaqualityman.com/online-dating-being-honest-online-matters-in-over-50s-dating/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:50f188e9-59b1-5c24-12a8-5b20d661b396 Thu, 25 Apr 2024 15:25:40 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l.png" medium align="left" /><p> Why Being Honest Online Matters in Over 50&#8217;s Dating &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. Online dating is a world of endless possibilities for meeting someone you might never have crossed paths with if you hadn&#8217;t noticed each</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/online-dating-being-honest-online-matters-in-over-50s-dating/">Why Being Honest Online Matters in Over 50&#8217;s Dating</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;">Why Being Honest Online Matters in Over 50&#8217;s Dating</h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><img decoding="async" class="wp-image-22180 alignleft" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l-300x300.png" alt="" width="219" height="219" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l-300x300.png 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l-1024x1024.png 1024w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l-150x150.png 150w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l-768x768.png 768w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l-600x600.png 600w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l-100x100.png 100w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/l.png 1080w" sizes="(max-width: 219px) 100vw, 219px" /></p> <p><b><i>You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/wJ-cM_C3evk">clicking here</a>.</i></b></p> <p>Online dating is a world of endless possibilities for meeting someone you might never have crossed paths with if you hadn&#8217;t noticed each other on a dating site.</p> <p>Yet, with these possibilities comes the temptation to embellish or stretch the truth &#8211; hoping it&#8217;s going to improve your chances of finding your perfect match.</p> <p><strong>However, I&#8217;m here to tell you that when it comes to online dating, you really do want to be honest.</strong></p> <p>And I want to give you 7 reason why being authentic is actually your best ally on this journey of love.</p> <p><strong>Reason #1 Trust is Paramount</strong></p> <p>I want you to think of your dating profile as the first building block of a potential relationship.</p> <p>When you try and build a structure based on misrepresentations and falsehoods, its like a house built on sand—it won&#8217;t take much for the whole thing to collapse.</p> <p>That&#8217;s because the truth has a way of revealing itself, and when it does, it can compromise the trust you&#8217;re building that&#8217;s so crucial in the early stages of connecting with someone.</p> <p>Start off with honesty and you&#8217;ll lay a solid foundation for future trust.</p> <p><strong>Reason #2 Authenticity Attracts</strong></p> <p>Ask yourself what you&#8217;re looking for in a partner.</p> <p>Chances are, &#8220;someone who lies to me&#8221; isn&#8217;t on your wishlist.</p> <p>You want a partner who&#8217;s genuine and sincere.</p> <p>By being truthful in your profile, you&#8217;re more likely to attract someone who shares the same values as you.</p> <p>Authenticity resonates deeply with people and draws them towards you—and it&#8217;s really attractive to someone you meet.</p> <p><strong>Reason #3 Self-Acceptance is Sexy</strong></p> <p>Many people fall into the trap of lying because they believe their authentic selves aren&#8217;t good enough to attract who they want in their lives.</p> <p>This is something I see over and over again with women over 50 who have a hard time seeing themselves in a positive light because their bodies are different than when they were younger.</p> <p>They only post a headshot thinking that once they meet and a man gets to know them, it will offset what she&#8217;s trying to hide.</p> <p>Or they worry that a man will only look at younger women so they lie about their age so more men see them.</p> <p>Now here&#8217;s a powerful truth: embracing who you are is sexy.</p> <p>Self-acceptance creates an inner and outer glow that shows potential partners you&#8217;re confident and comfortable in your own skin.</p> <p>And guess what men love about women-their confidence. It&#8217;s the #1 attraction factor!</p> <p><strong>Reason #4 Setting Yourself Up To Win</strong></p> <p>Lying sets you up for disappointment because men figure if you lied on your profile, you could also lie about other things in the future.</p> <p>And this creates a trust issue.</p> <p>The goal should be to find quality connections that have a shot at turning into something real and lasting.</p> <p>And you can only get a quality connection when you tell the truth.</p> <p>You want someone who accepts you just as you.</p> <p><strong>Reason #5 Embracing Your True Self</strong></p> <p>Lying about who you are might bring you short-term attention, but it won&#8217;t necessarily bring you long-term happiness.</p> <p>Fudging the truth creates anxiety and leads to always worrying about when the shoe will drop and what will happen when he finds out the truth.<em> (Cause it&#8217;s likely in some way that he will!)</em></p> <p>It&#8217;s also exhausting trying to be someone you are not.</p> <p>The joy of finding someone compatible is grounded in the joy of being yourself and having someone appreciate you for YOU.</p> <p><strong>Reason #6 Compatibility is the Secret to Lasting Love</strong></p> <p>My clients create a tool called a Quality Man Template.</p> <p>This is a deep dive into what they are looking for in a man at this time in their lives.</p> <p>Then they use this tool to filter profiles so they can meet men who share their values, interests and life goals.</p> <p>When you lie on your profile, you&#8217;re essentially misaligning these filters by attracting men who are looking for something you&#8217;re pretending to have.</p> <p>And that rarely goes well.</p> <p>Honesty ensures that those men who reach out to you are doing so because they&#8217;re genuinely interested in you, and this leads to a better chance of lasting compatibility and love.</p> <p><strong>Reason #7 Honesty Paves the Way for a Future</strong></p> <p>If you&#8217;re looking for something more serious than a passing fling, honesty becomes even more important.</p> <p>Lying might seem like a shortcut to getting noticed, but in reality it&#8217;s a dead-end to finding real connection.</p> <p>Embrace who you are and let the world see the real you.</p> <p>By being honest, you&#8217;re more likely to find someone who isn&#8217;t just a date, but a partner who you can share your heart and life with for a long time.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" Date Smart over 50 – Exploring 11 Potential Partners https://findaqualityman.com/date-smart-over-50-exploring-11-potential-partners/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:022e90bf-a92e-fdb3-22f9-80bebda15188 Wed, 24 Apr 2024 22:06:00 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/images2.jpeg" medium align="left" /><p> Over-50s Dating Guide: Exploring 11 Potential Partners &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. Ever feel like there&#8217;s no one out there to date? If so, you&#8217;re not alone. Many women experience this same feeling at some point on</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/date-smart-over-50-exploring-11-potential-partners/">Date Smart over 50 &#8211; Exploring 11 Potential Partners</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;">Over-50s Dating Guide: Exploring 11 Potential Partners</h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="alignleft size-full wp-image-6002" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/images2.jpeg" alt="happy couple over 50" width="242" height="208" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/images2.jpeg 242w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/images2-90x77.jpeg 90w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/images2-150x128.jpeg 150w" sizes="(max-width: 242px) 100vw, 242px" /></p> <p><b><i>You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/nd8M15YMuIs">clicking here</a>.</i></b></p> <p>Ever feel like there&#8217;s no one out there to date?</p> <p>If so, you&#8217;re not alone. Many women experience this same feeling at some point on this journey.</p> <p>But here’s a little secret: the dating world holds a lot of potential for laughter, connection, and companionship with a lot of good men.</p> <p>And I&#8217;ve found 11 Types of men for you to meet that I want to share with you today.</p> <p>From the &#8216;Bad Boy&#8217; to the &#8216;Quality Man,&#8217; each one offers something different.</p> <p>So let&#8217;s dive in and explore which of these 11 types of men you might encounter who could be a good match for you.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #1-The Bad Boy</em></strong></p> <p>He&#8217;s a favorite because he&#8217;s gorgeous and charming.</p> <p>He knows how to use words to make you feel amazing.</p> <p>Yet his actions rarely match what he says.</p> <p>He&#8217;s a major player who will more than likely break your heart.</p> <p>A Bad Boy is fun to play with, but his track record for commitment might not be as strong as his allure.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #2-The Needy Man</em></strong></p> <p>While you’re in the emailing process, he&#8217;s quick to attach and he&#8217;s super generous with his affection &#8211; already thinking of you as his girlfriend &#8211; calling you <em>honey</em> or <em>my girl.</em></p> <p>He wants to talk on the phone or constantly text.</p> <p>If constant attention is what you seek, he&#8217;s up for the role.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #3-The Motorcycle Dude</em></strong></p> <p>Lots of good men ride motorcycles like doctors, lawyers, and well-paid businessmen.</p> <p>Don’t knock this guy out yet for loving this midlife hobby.</p> <p>As long as he doesn&#8217;t expect you to ride (unless you want to), he&#8217;s got potential.</p> <p>And if you share his sense of adventure, it could be a good match.</p> <p>Don&#8217;t overlook him—there can be depth behind that leather jacket.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #4-Beware of the Ring on His Finger</em></strong></p> <p>This guy might not be so forthcoming about his situation.</p> <p>Often he won&#8217;t post a picture.  (<em>That&#8217;s because he doesn&#8217;t want his wife&#8217;s single friends telling her that he&#8217;s on a dating site.)</em></p> <p>You can really get hurt because no matter how much he tells you he loves you or tells you how bad his marriage is, he more than likely isn&#8217;t leaving his wife or he would have done so already.</p> <p>It&#8217;s best to steer clear altogether.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #5-The Long Distance Romantic</em></strong></p> <p>Yes, distance can make the heart grow fonder(and you can fall in love just talking with someone), but it&#8217;s the in-person connection that really counts.</p> <p>That&#8217;s why you want to meet sooner rather than later because sometimes the person on the phone doesn&#8217;t match up to who you meet.</p> <p>But if it does work, and the distance is manageable, a weekend romance might be fun and it could develop into something more permanent.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #6-What He Really Need’s Is A Shrink Not a Date</em></strong></p> <p>This is the guy who&#8217;s looking for a therapist and you&#8217;re it.</p> <p>Unless you&#8217;re looking for a project, you’re better off finding a man who’s emotionally healthier.</p> <p>Support is important in any relationship, but make sure he&#8217;s also able to be there for you.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #7-The Take Out Order Man</em></strong></p> <p>Some of the funniest profiles are written by men who believe that Online Dating is like going through the Wendy&#8217;s drive- through.</p> <p>They&#8217;re looking for specific qualities in women like body type, hair color, or a precise type of job.</p> <p>Keep an eye out for someone who appreciates you for who you are, not just a list of traits.</p> <p>In the long run, you&#8217;ll be a lot happier!</p> <p><em><strong>Type #8-The Scammer</strong></em></p> <p>Scary group because they can scam you out of thousands of dollars by quickly capturing your heart.</p> <p>These men have intriguing profile pictures that catch your eye, and its reminiscent of the thrill you felt when the cool kid in middle school chose to reach out to you.</p> <p>If a man continually makes excuses for not being able to  meet you, chances are he&#8217;s a scammer.  Let him go!</p> <p><strong><em>Type #9-Younger Men Online Looking for Cougars</em></strong></p> <p>I have a client who married a man 10 years younger than she is and is in the best relationship!!!!</p> <p>This guy is a great boost for your ego.</p> <p>Go for it if you want.</p> <p>Just beware of men who are looking for a <em>Sugar Mama</em> to support them!</p> <p><strong><em>Type #10-The Older Man</em></strong></p> <p>These are ‘Old School Gentlemen’ who will treat you like a lady.</p> <p>He can be a lot of fun.</p> <p>It&#8217;s worth giving this man a chance.</p> <p>His respectful approach could be refreshing and lead to a meaningful relationship.</p> <p><strong><em>Type #11-The “Quality Man”</em></strong></p> <p>He may not be the most handsome man online but he is the nicest and he will do anything for you.</p> <p>He’s the man who’s interested in what you’re doing and wants to make you happy.</p> <p>“Quality Men” are online and they want nothing more than an opportunity to love you.</p> <p>Have fun with this one!</p> <p>He&#8217;s genuine, considerate, and committed to making you happy which makes him a potential partner for life in the truest sense.</p> <p>As you navigate the world of dating, remember that good things take time.</p> <p>Explore these connections, learn from them, and don&#8217;t rush the process.</p> <p>Each person you meet brings you one step closer to finding the right match—someone who gets you and shares your vision for the future.</p> <p>Stay patient and keep a positive outlook.</p> <p>The right one is out there, and each experience is just a part of the journey that leads you to him.</p> <p>Your story is still unfolding, and the best chapters may be just around the corner.</p> <p><strong>One last thought for you . . . </strong></p> <p>I&#8217;ve found the women who have had the easiest time meeting Mr. Right have had help.</p> <p>They recognized they couldn’t do it all alone.(some had tried for anywhere from 3-20 years before getting help)</p> <p>What made the difference is they took action to get the advice and support they needed, worked with me <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/apply/">1 on 1</a> or in my <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/apply/">Group Program</a> then used what they learned from our time together to meet the right man for them.</p> <p><strong>As Sheryl discovered, one strategic move can be the key to unlocking new romantic possibilities.</strong></p> <p><em>Lisa joining your Love after 50 Group was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I learned so much about men, myself, communicating with men and so much more. It’s made a huge difference and helped me have fun dating as a woman in my 60’s. (And yes, the profile we created together has been great for attracting new and interesting men) And I love how you share what to do and what to say to men. It’s all been a dating game changer for me. So grateful to you and your program. Seeing the women including my self finding interesting men to meet is a paradigm shift that is priceless! Thank you so much. P.S. Found my guy and we’re now living together. I am so HAPPY!</em></p> <p>So today, I encourage you to take a proactive step towards finding your right match.</p> <p>Each action is a step toward your own success story.</p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" Golden Bachelor Divorce – Here’s what I Believe Broke Them Up https://findaqualityman.com/golden-bachelor-divorce-heres-what-i-believe-broke-them-up/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:c7b80196-43ae-1bb3-ebae-e8b6d7108642 Fri, 12 Apr 2024 22:00:30 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/bigstock-Man-Woman-Hands-Holding-Broken-877460.jpg" medium align="left" /><p> Golden Bachelor Divorce &#8211; Here&#8217;s what I Believe Broke Them Up &#160; In a HUGE turn of events, the Golden Bachelor couple has decided to go their separate ways. I&#8217;m not surprised. I remember writing about how tough long-distance love can be back in October 2023 blog</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/golden-bachelor-divorce-heres-what-i-believe-broke-them-up/">Golden Bachelor Divorce &#8211; Here&#8217;s what I Believe Broke Them Up</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 class="hP" style="text-align: center;" tabindex="-1" data-thread-perm-id="thread-f:1796140306195709516" data-legacy-thread-id="18ed2c17958e7e4c">Golden Bachelor Divorce &#8211; Here&#8217;s what I Believe Broke Them Up</h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="size-medium wp-image-22157 alignleft" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/bigstock-Man-Woman-Hands-Holding-Broken-877460-300x199.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="199" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/bigstock-Man-Woman-Hands-Holding-Broken-877460-300x199.jpg 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/bigstock-Man-Woman-Hands-Holding-Broken-877460-150x100.jpg 150w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/bigstock-Man-Woman-Hands-Holding-Broken-877460-768x510.jpg 768w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/bigstock-Man-Woman-Hands-Holding-Broken-877460-600x399.jpg 600w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/bigstock-Man-Woman-Hands-Holding-Broken-877460.jpg 900w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></p> <p>In a HUGE turn of events, the Golden Bachelor couple has decided to go their separate ways.</p> <p>I&#8217;m not surprised.</p> <p>I remember writing about how tough long-distance love can be back in October 2023 blog post when The Golden Bachelor first aired.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong><a href="https://findaqualityman.com/what-you-can-learn-about-successfully-finding-love-from-the-golden-bachelor/">What You Can Learn About Successfully Finding Love From The &#8220;Golden Bachelor&#8221;</a></strong></p> <p>Distance can really challenge even the strongest relationships.</p> <p><strong>When clients ask me about long distance relationships, I suggest, they want to live within a 2 hour drive or a 1 hour flight of each other.</strong></p> <p>Otherwise, its hard to sustain this type of relationship when you can&#8217;t see each other on a regular basis and this is part of what I believed happened to The Golden Bachelor Couple.</p> <p>In addition, they both were very rooted in their communities with families, friends, jobs and activities.</p> <p>Its really hard to uproot at this time your life and start over even when you&#8217;re in love.</p> <p>You&#8217;re choosing a person you barely know over people and a community you&#8217;ve lived in for a very long time.</p> <p><strong>Talk about getting out of your comfort zone!!!!!</strong></p> <p>That being said, there are things The Golden Bachelor couple did right but between the distance and falling in lusty love versus giving love a chance to really grow became a set up for failure.</p> <p>Its the biggest issue I find with Reality TV.</p> <p><strong>It&#8217;s so easy to fall in love but falling in like and being able to work through the ups and downs a couple faces is hard to create after knowing each other less than a month.</strong></p> <p>Yep, that&#8217;s how long the Golden Bachelor filmed.</p> <p>And there is no way in a months time filled with a couple of Hollywood fantasy dates that you could really get to know how living life together will work out.</p> <p>And its even harder when you&#8217;ve had to hide your love until the show aired.</p> <p>It&#8217;s challenging trying to build a relationship while mostly connecting through phone calls and FaceTime while keeping everything a secret.</p> <p><strong>The whole thing makes for exciting TV but is a set up for failure and a lot of broken hearts.</strong></p> <p>It takes time to develop real love but it is possible.</p> <p>And hopefully, these two will split amicably and go on to use what they learned to find partners who live within 30-50 miles and share lives more closely aligned to theirs.</p> <p>I want to leave you with hope that love is possible after 50.</p> <p>Check out this short <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQw-zgrhuec"><strong>You Tube Video with my client, Ginny</strong></a> who shares her journey of love after 50.</p> <p>P.S. Since we filmed this video, Ginny and her fiancé have been together for two and a half years and recently got engaged and plan to marry this year.</p> <p>Love is POSSIBLE after 50!!!!</p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" 3 Effective Tips to Restart Your Dating Life After 50! https://findaqualityman.com/3-effective-tips-to-restart-your-dating-life-after-50/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:d807fdbf-3e0a-52a6-9d52-99f9ab974858 Wed, 03 Apr 2024 14:12:42 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1.png" medium align="left" /><p> 3 Effective Tips to Restart Your Dating Life After 50! &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. Women often reach out to me when they&#8217;re facing challenging situations with men and dating especially when things aren&#8217;t quite playing out</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/3-effective-tips-to-restart-your-dating-life-after-50/">3 Effective Tips to Restart Your Dating Life After 50!</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;">3 Effective Tips to Restart Your Dating Life After 50!</h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class=" wp-image-22109 alignleft" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1-300x300.png" alt="" width="261" height="261" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1-300x300.png 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1-1024x1024.png 1024w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1-150x150.png 150w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1-768x768.png 768w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1-600x600.png 600w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1-100x100.png 100w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/blog-reshare-1.png 1080w" sizes="(max-width: 261px) 100vw, 261px" /><b><i>You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/05pK3gYAj_k">clicking here</a>.</i></b></p> <p>Women often reach out to me when they&#8217;re facing challenging situations with men and dating especially when things aren&#8217;t quite playing out as they&#8217;d hoped.</p> <p>Feeling like they&#8217;ve run into a wall, they aren&#8217;t sure what to do next.</p> <p>The connections they want aren&#8217;t happening, which can be so disheartening as they experience a lack of response to their online profiles, along with a sense of invisibility during everyday encounters in real life.</p> <p>I want you to know that this situation is not just happening in your life.</p> <p>As a matter of fact, it&#8217;s a shared experience across the spectrum of the dating scene, one I&#8217;ve witnessed time and time again since I started coaching women over 50 back in 2012.</p> <p>But let&#8217;s face it, a dating rut doesn&#8217;t feel good and to make it worse, it can lead you to falling into the trap of self-blame where it feels like your efforts are a waste of time. <em>(They aren&#8217;t as I&#8217;ll explain!)</em></p> <p>And that&#8217;s why in today&#8217;s blog, I&#8217;m want to share 3 tips that will help steer you out of a dating rut and back into the dating game.</p> <p><strong>Tip # 1: You’re not alone!</strong></p> <p>You might feel like you&#8217;re the only one who is struggling and frustrated with dating as you watch other women effortlessly navigate through successful dates on a Saturday night, while you&#8217;re at home binge watching Netflix.</p> <p><em>But, is this really true about those other women-are they happily dating?   </em></p> <p><strong>Quite possibly, it&#8217;s not.</strong></p> <p>You see most of us put our best selves out for the world to see and we sort of hide our struggles because we feel embarrassed we aren&#8217;t further along then we thought we&#8217;d be.</p> <p>Think about how many times you&#8217;ve kept your dating disappointments a secret when things weren’t going well.</p> <p>This isn&#8217;t a solitary journey; women from every walk of life, in every corner of the globe, face these same types of hurdles you&#8217;re dealing with.</p> <p>One of the reasons women appreciate my <strong><a href="https://findaqualityman.com/apply/">Group Program</a></strong> is they see that others have faced the same challenges with men and dating, and it gives them hope.</p> <p>They realize that overcoming these obstacles is possible, which keeps them moving forward in the pursuit of love after 50.</p> <p><strong>Tip #2: Nurturing a Deep-Rooted Confidence </strong></p> <p>In those quiet periods when your dating life seems like its at a standstill, it&#8217;s common to find yourself wrestling with feelings of hopelessness and you might even be questioning your appeal to the opposite sex.</p> <p>When this happens, the most empowering step you can take is to build your dating confidence back up.</p> <p>Why? Because . . .</p> <p><strong>Your Confidence</strong> touches how you will get out there and talk to the men you want to date.</p> <p><strong>Your Confidence</strong> influences how you appear to men.</p> <p><strong>Your Confidence</strong> determines the the type of men you attract into your life.</p> <p><strong>Your Confidence</strong> shapes everything about your dating life so it’s important that you keep your confidence really high with a deep KNOWING YOU ARE THE PRIZE.</p> <p>We’re not talking about a facade of superiority or a mask of arrogance.</p> <p>It&#8217;s about nurturing an authentic belief in your own worth as a woman — recognizing that you&#8217;re amazing  just the way you are.</p> <p><strong>Tip #3: Spark Your Love Life into Motion By Taking Action</strong></p> <p>Staying lost in thoughts of &#8216;woe is me&#8217;, or circling in endless conversations with friends about the scarcity of remarkable men won&#8217;t pave the path for you to love.</p> <p>Recognize that this dry spell is a season, just a brief interlude in your story.</p> <p>You&#8217;ve acknowledged you&#8217;re not alone, and you&#8217;ve worked on bolstering your confidence.</p> <p>It&#8217;s time to channel that newfound strength you&#8217;ve found into purposeful, hopeful action that propels you towards the deep connection you deserve with the right man.</p> <p>Take a moment and reflect on . . .</p> <p>What activities or efforts in the past opened doors to meaningful dates with good men?</p> <p>Perhaps there&#8217;s an avenue you explored before, something that worked that you haven&#8217;t tried in a while.</p> <p>Was it experimenting with different online platforms, engaging with someone intriguing across the room, or maybe it was educational—like a class or <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/apply/"><strong>coaching program</strong></a> that gave you new insights?</p> <p><strong>Your Mission to Find The One: Take Inspired Action</strong></p> <p>Ideas hold potential, but it&#8217;s action that creates results.</p> <p>This is a truth I emphasize with my clients.</p> <p><strong>Success isn’t reserved for a select few; it belongs to those who do the things others may shy away from.</strong></p> <p>Embrace this mindset because it can transform your dating life.</p> <p>Implement the tips I’ve shared: recognizing your shared journey, fortifying your inner confidence, and now, taking inspired, hopeful action.</p> <p>As you blend understanding with action, watch your love life open up to unlimited possibilities you might never have thought of before.</p> <p>Try it out, and I’d love to hear what unfolds for you on this journey to finding your Mr. Right.</p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/15.0.3/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" Love After 50: Navigating the Heart and Mind Connection https://findaqualityman.com/love-after-50-navigating-the-heart-and-mind-connection/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:2d135d56-2e89-2eec-e244-fb1039662b57 Wed, 27 Mar 2024 20:49:11 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/broken_heart-1502-300x218-1.jpg" medium align="left" /><p> Love after 50: Navigating the Heart and Mind Connection &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. My friend Suzanne experienced a profound heartache in her 40s that few can truly understand—she endured the devastating loss of her soulmate. In</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/love-after-50-navigating-the-heart-and-mind-connection/">Love After 50: Navigating the Heart and Mind Connection</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;">Love after 50: Navigating the Heart and Mind Connection</h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-6080" src="https://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/broken_heart-1502-300x218.jpg" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/broken_heart-1502-300x218.jpg 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/broken_heart-1502-90x65.jpg 90w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/broken_heart-1502-150x109.jpg 150w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/broken_heart-1502.jpg 450w" alt="" width="300" height="218" /><b><i>You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/8CPYktmIxNk">clicking here</a>.</i></b></p> <p>My friend Suzanne experienced a profound heartache in her 40s that few can truly understand—she endured the devastating loss of her soulmate.</p> <p>In those dark moments, she shared with me how it felt as though her heart had shattered into a million pieces.</p> <p>It was a crushing blow that turned her whole world upside down.</p> <p>The wound was so deep that it took her almost 10 years before she was willing to dip her toe into the dating pool.</p> <p>She eventually did and ended up meeting a very wealthy businessman.</p> <p><strong>I can remember her being so drawn to his mind and intelligence.</strong></p> <p>Well, they ended up marrying; had a beautiful wedding, white dress and all and lived a lifestyle many would envy.</p> <p>They traveled first class around the world.</p> <p>They dined at the finest restaurants.</p> <p>They bought a gorgeous old home and a lot of money renovating it.</p> <p>They had tickets to the symphony and the ballet and travelled all the time to see the latest Broadway plays appearing in New York.</p> <p>About 5 years into their marriage, she decided to retire from her high power corporate job just as her husband decided to expand his business.</p> <p><strong>The money was flowing and on the outside, they looked like the perfect couple with the perfect life.</strong></p> <p>It wasn’t until after they divorced that Suzanne told me the truth about how lonely she felt being married to someone whose mistress was work.</p> <p><strong>She’d been missing an intimacy you can only get on a soul level when your hearts connect. </strong></p> <p>Notice I said connection comes from your heart not your mind &#8211; it was her ex&#8217;s mind that Suzanne was so attracted to from the get go.</p> <p>Fast forward a few years later and Suzanne meets another wealthy businessman.</p> <p>And guess what the first words out of her mouth were . . . if you guessed <em>I loved his intelligence</em> than you would be right.</p> <p><strong>When she used intelligence to decide if a man was right for her, she was sending up a red flag that kept her in the pattern of dating the wrong men who at the end of the day left her feeling lonely in a relationship.</strong></p> <p>I asked my Suzanne if I could share an observation with her both as her friend and as a dating coach.</p> <p>She said, “of course!”</p> <p>I told her that even though she was thrilled by this man’s intelligence, it was going to keep her from getting to that place of intimacy she had so craved in her 2<sup>nd</sup> marriage.</p> <p>Then I asked her the MOST IMPORTANT question . . .</p> <p><strong>“Suzanne, Are you protecting your heart?”</strong></p> <p>Like many of my clients, she, was afraid of getting her heart crushed again.</p> <p>She’d go on a date and instead of looking for the good qualities in a man, she&#8217;d quickly find his faults so she could protect her heart.</p> <p>And she chose a quality she desired in a man that would keep her heart safe . . . an attraction to his  intelligence; a quality that keeps someone at arms length and at a distance.</p> <p>I gave her my Secret Attraction Formula, which I want to share with you too.</p> <p><strong>A man’s personality + His appearance = Attraction.</strong></p> <p>When I asked if she liked a man&#8217;s personality, the only thing she could say was the dating world is messy.</p> <p>Yes it can be messy and scary because it makes you so vulnerable.</p> <p><strong>Men love your accomplishments, they love your intelligence but what they love most about you is your heart, your passions in life and your vulnerability.</strong></p> <p>When you’re able to trust a man, you are triggering his hero response that wants to always keep you safe, protected and happy.</p> <p>Like my friend, many women block their hearts because they are afraid of getting hurt again.</p> <p>But if you block your heart, you can’t get the closeness and deep connection you want with a man.</p> <p><strong>So here’s my question for you . . . Is YOUR HEART open to love?</strong></p> <p>If it is, great!</p> <p>But if its not, here’s what you can do about it.</p> <p>I’ve created a <strong>Free Love Gift</strong> from my heart to yours to help you start the process of opening your heart to the perfect man for you. <a href="https://www.findaqualityman.com/open-heart-love/">Click here to access it now.</a></p> <div> <p>One more thing . . . If you&#8217;ve been waiting for a sign that its time to jumpstart your journey to love, consider this is it.</p> <p>Let&#8217;s dive into the heart of your dating life and unlock the patterns and possibilities that await.</p> <p>It&#8217;s just a click away — share a bit about your dating adventures<a href="https://findaqualityman.com/apply/"><strong> here</strong> </a>and let’s schedule a session to map out your next chapter.</p> <p>Your love story is waiting to happen, so let&#8217;s start crafting it together.</p> </div> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" 9 Essential Strategies to Protect Your Heart and Wallet: Outsmarting Scammers on Dating Sites https://findaqualityman.com/9-essential-strategies-to-protect-your-heart-and-wallet-outsmarting-scammers-on-dating-sites/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:fcc843eb-8dd8-2d57-a970-e595aae83903 Wed, 20 Mar 2024 11:00:22 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/business-men-311166_1280-260x300-1.png" medium align="left" /><p> 9 Essential Strategies to Protect Your Heart and Wallet from Scammers on Dating Sites &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. The internet has changed how we find companionship and connection, making it easier to meet new people through dating</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/9-essential-strategies-to-protect-your-heart-and-wallet-outsmarting-scammers-on-dating-sites/">9 Essential Strategies to Protect Your Heart and Wallet: Outsmarting Scammers on Dating Sites</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;">9 Essential Strategies to Protect Your Heart and Wallet from Scammers on Dating Sites</h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="size-medium wp-image-15754 alignleft" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-men-311166_1280-260x300.png" alt="" width="260" height="300" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-men-311166_1280-260x300.png 260w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-men-311166_1280-130x150.png 130w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-men-311166_1280-768x886.png 768w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-men-311166_1280-888x1024.png 888w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/business-men-311166_1280.png 1110w" sizes="(max-width: 260px) 100vw, 260px" /><em><strong>You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/fzlsxVlESw8">clicking here.</a></strong></em></p> <p>The internet has changed how we find companionship and connection, making it easier to meet new people through dating sites.</p> <p>There are lots of potential matches out there, including many authentic, good-hearted men looking for a partner just like you.</p> <p>However, as you&#8217;re navigating the dating sites, you want to be aware that scammers are there as well.</p> <p>These men are con artists who will find a way to touch both your heart and your wallet.</p> <p>I don’t want to scare you because there are good men online for you to date.</p> <p>Yet, you want to be aware of the clues that will tip you off to these con artists.</p> <p>So, I&#8217;ve put together 9 telltale tips to help you identify the red flags that will safeguard both your emotions and your finances as you journey through the world of online dating.</p> <p><strong>1. The Profile Pitfall</strong></p> <p>Your profile is your window to the dating world; hence, when it comes to personal details about your job and income keep it vague.</p> <p>You can say you’re a nurse or an executive but don’t mention where or how much you make.</p> <p>Also, you want to be aware of coming across as needy and lonely in your profile.</p> <p>It makes you perfect prey for scammers looking to hook you into their scams.</p> <p><strong>2. The Overseas Ordeal </strong></p> <p>He might tell you that he lives in a metropolitan city in the US but his work takes him elsewhere in the world.</p> <p>Or he will claim to be on an oil rig or in the military.</p> <p>He says he&#8217;s coming back to the states soon and, wants you to wait for him because he&#8217;s so excited to meet you.</p> <p>These are huge red flags that are signs you&#8217;re probably dealing with a scammer!!!</p> <p><strong>3. Scamming Women Is His Job</strong></p> <p>These men are Professional Heartbreakers.</p> <p>Most live in poorer countries around the world where jobs that pay well are scarce.</p> <p>By working a couple of hours each day, and using a well crafted script, he can easily communicate with women in the US, find their weak spots, and make a fortune.</p> <p>He often has an appealing British lilt to his voice that seems to promise romance and he uses it to his advantage to hook you.</p> <p><strong>4. What He&#8217;ll Tell You About Himself</strong></p> <p>He uses pictures of great looking men to lure you in knowing you&#8217;ll feel special being contacted by someone who is so handsome.</p> <p>Look closely at those profile pictures.</p> <p>They are often stock photos found on the internet of handsome models in ads selling items like hats or sunglasses.</p> <p>When you ask for more pictures, he&#8217;ll send family pictures of children or grandchildren.</p> <p><strong>The big tip-off:</strong>  he&#8217;s not in these family pictures because he can&#8217;t find family pics of the models&#8217; image he&#8217;s used.</p> <p><strong>5. He Uses Romance to Lure You In</strong></p> <p>Women love romance and scammers know this has been missing in your life for a long time.</p> <p>So he steals poems off the internet and sends them to you as if they were his own.</p> <p>Your heart just melts and you bond with him which makes you even more vulnerable to his scheme.</p> <p><strong>6.  He&#8217;ll Always Have An Excuse For Why He Can&#8217;t See You</strong></p> <p>He&#8217;ll tell you that he can&#8217;t wait to see you and that he&#8217;s making arrangements to travel in a month or two when he can get away from his business.</p> <p>Right before you&#8217;re supposed to meet, he&#8217;ll give you an excuse for why he has to cancel the trip.</p> <p>Broken promises of meeting in real life happen over and over again.</p> <p>This is another HUGE TIP OFF you’re dealing with a scammer.</p> <p><strong>7.  You Can&#8217;t Find Anything Concrete About Who This Man Is </strong></p> <p>Try searching his picture on Google.</p> <p>More than likely nothing will show up.</p> <p>The absence of a digital footprint is another tip off you&#8217;re connecting with a scammer.</p> <p><strong>8. How the scam works </strong></p> <p>He&#8217;ll spend hours chatting with you multiple times a day.</p> <p>His male attentiveness feels amazing because he knows its probably been a while since a man has been this devoted to you.</p> <p><strong>But beware&#8230;. he is not there for conversation; he&#8217;s hunting for your weaknesses.</strong></p> <p>Sharing a similar tragedy is a common tactic scammers use to gain trust and pave the way for exploiting their victims.</p> <p>For example, if you’ve lost a close member of your family, don’t be surprised if he tells you he has too.</p> <p>He uses these holes in your heart to get you to trust him knowing it will be easier for you to bond with someone who has experienced the same loss as you.</p> <p>And that&#8217;s when he&#8217;s ready to reign you in for the scam.</p> <p>He shares news with you about a HUGE business opportunity he&#8217;s about to close but the bank isn&#8217;t able to extend the credit he requires to close the deal.</p> <p>He just needs a little more money to finish it or he&#8217;ll lose everything including the personal investments he and his family have made, a situation that&#8217;s undoubtedly stressful and disheartening for him.</p> <p>This is when he asks you for your help.</p> <p>He&#8217;s laid the groundwork needed to capture your heart.</p> <p>He knows from your conversations that you&#8217;re in love with him and he counts on you not wanting to see him suffer this devastating loss.</p> <p>You want to help him so you wire the money he needs to his bank account.</p> <p>And you never hear from him again.</p> <p><strong>9. A blueprint for keeping yourself beyond the reach of these swindlers</strong></p> <ul> <li>Date men closer to home.</li> <li>Keep emails short and sweet, ideally between 5-10 at the most. <em>Al technology has given scammers the ability to write decent emails. The tipoff is they are usually too perfect and filled with descriptive words that most men wouldn&#8217;t use.</em></li> <li>Spend no more than a couple of hours on 1 or 2 phone calls max. <em>This keeps you from divulging too much information that allows him to get closer to you.</em></li> <li>Meet a man within 2-3 weeks of initial contact. <em>(If a man tells you he’ll be out of the country for a month or two, tell him to give you a call when he gets back.)</em></li> <li>When you&#8217;re uncertain, use <a href="https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&amp;rls=en&amp;q=Google+Images&amp;ie=UTF-8&amp;oe=UTF-8">Google Images </a>to upload his profile picture. (<em>This step lets you verify if the image truly represents him or if it might have been borrowed from someone else&#8217;s identity.)</em></li> </ul> <p>Armed with the strategies and insights for avoiding scammers, the online world is still one of the best ways to meet a good man.</p> <p>Remember to stay safe, keep an open mind, and maintain realistic expectations throughout your journey.</p> <p>If you&#8217;d like further guidance and support, know that it&#8217;s always within reach—there are numerous resources you can explore below.</p> <p>You&#8217;re not alone on this journey.</p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" 10 Winning Strategies Women Over 50 Used to Find Lasting Love https://findaqualityman.com/10-winning-strategies-women-over-50-used-to-find-lasting-love/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:4b2247c3-810b-0d74-b6d7-e58a6704ecd9 Wed, 13 Mar 2024 09:00:33 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/lisa-blog-300x169-1.png" medium align="left" /><p> 10 Winning Strategies Women Over 50 Used to Find Lasting Love &#160; You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by clicking here. So many women over 50 find the search for the right partner to be challenging and exhausting. That&#8217;s because most women think</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/10-winning-strategies-women-over-50-used-to-find-lasting-love/">10 Winning Strategies Women Over 50 Used to Find Lasting Love</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #000000;">10 Winning Strategies Women Over 50 Used to Find Lasting Love </span></h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-21078" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/lisa-blog-300x169.png" alt="" width="300" height="169" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/lisa-blog-300x169.png 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/lisa-blog-150x84.png 150w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/lisa-blog.png 560w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><em><strong>You can read the blog below or watch it on YouTube by <a href="https://youtu.be/B7EIRe-I8r4">clicking here.</a></strong></em></span></p> <p>So many women over 50 find the search for the right partner to be challenging and exhausting.</p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">That&#8217;s because most women think its their profile on the right dating site that gets them the guy. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Over the years of doing this work, I&#8217;ve found that the women who approached dating with a positive mindset and lots of enthusiasm are the one&#8217;s who ended up meeting high quality men they now share their lives with.</span></p> <p>I&#8217;ve also noticed these women share 10 distinct traits that you probably have too &#8211;  that helped them get their guy and I&#8217;m eager to share these with you today.</p> <p><strong><span style="color: #000000;">Trait #1 . . . </span><span style="color: #000000;"><span style="caret-color: #000000;">Confidence and Independence</span></span><span style="color: #000000;"> </span></strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Women over 50 who intrigue a potential partner share 2 common traits: they radiate confidence and lead vibrant lives. <em>(BTW. . . Men have often told me that confidence is the #1 trait they appreciate and desire in a woman)</em></span></p> <p>Think about the passion you feel about the things you love doing in your life.</p> <p>This is what lights you up and makes you more interesting which amplifies your attractiveness to men.</p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Balance is important in a relationship.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You want to make room for a partner while keeping your own passions alive. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">In relationships, as women, we often give up our own activities in favor of what a man wants to do.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">This dims your inner glow &#8211;  the very thing that attracted a man to you in the first place.  </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Keep engaging in the activities you love and feel passionate about. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">This is a huge part of what a man loves and cherishes about you.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Trait #2 Embracing Your Femininity</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Men love your softer side which is your true feminine power. </span></p> <p>Men know you are strong and can do anything you put your mind to.</p> <p>They want to make your life easier and often we push them away and say <em>we can do it ourselves.</em></p> <p>The reason we do this is because we think if we let them do the lifting for us, it makes us look weak. It doesn&#8217;t!</p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">When you allow yourself to receive, men will step up to make your life better and easier for you. </span></p> <p><strong><span style="color: #000000;">Trait #3 Communicating Effectively with Men</span></strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Men have told me they have a hard time following stories that women share about other people and things they know nothing about.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">An example of this is when you share a story about your friends husbands cousin who is seeing a man that lives two cities north of her and she really likes the guy but doesn&#8217;t know how to get a second date. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">This is the kind of story you want to share with a friend.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If you&#8217;re sharing it with a man, chances are his eyes are glazing over with overwhelming details he can&#8217;t follow.</span></p> <p>That being said, they do want to hear stories that affect you directly.</p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Trait #4 Letting Men Be Men</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Men really do want to make your life easier but when its not up to our expectation of how it should be done, </span><span style="color: #000000;">we criticize or second guess them.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">By doing this, he feel less than in your eyes &#8211; something no man wants to feel and he will stop doing for you because he feels whatever he does will never be enough.</span></p> <p><strong><span style="color: #000000;">Trait #5 Crafting an Engaging Online Profile</span></strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">My clients who found their guy online had AWESOME profiles that captured the essence of who they are that attracted the right kind of attention from the men they wanted to meet.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">(If you want to know how they did it, it&#8217;s all here in the <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/irresistible-profile-promo/">Creating Your Irresistible Program</a>.)</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Trait #6 Looking Beyond First Impressions</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Online dating is one-dimensional, meaning its so easy to make snap judgements about men based on their looks.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If you were at a party, you&#8217;d get to see how a mans personality and his looks blend which can make him a lot more attractive than just seeing his picture online.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Be careful of knocking out average guys who might make great partners.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">If a guy reaches out to you and seems nice, give him a chance. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Trait # 7 </strong></span><strong><span style="color: #000000;">Enjoying Dates as Opportunities</span></strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Women who have success at finding love with a good man go on a date with the mindset of getting to know someone new and interesting. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">They don’t do dating resume interviews and they don’t check off imaginary must-have checklists that knock guys out faster than you can drink a cup of coffee. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Not all men will be a romantic interest.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">There are good guys out there who could be your friend too. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;"><strong>Trait #8 Exploring Outside Your Comfort Zone</strong></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Women who date men that aren’t their usual type find there are far more good men out there to date than they ever imagined. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">It’s easy to get in a rut, dating the same guy just with different clothes, hair and shoes over and over again. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">You’re attracted to him not because he’s good for you but because he feels safe and comfy, like that old pair of shoes you can’t seem to throw away that no longer fit.</span></p> <p>What we looked for in our 20&#8217;s is totally different than what we might want in a man today and it takes getting clarity on what this means to you.</p> <p>My clients craft a personalized &#8220;Quality Man Template&#8221; to help them recognize why their past preferences in partners may no longer serve them.</p> <p>This reflective exercise leads them to redefine their criteria for a partner, often resulting in discovering wonderful men whom they might have overlooked before.</p> <p><strong><span style="color: #000000;">Trait #9 </span>Persevering in Dating</strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">A BIG mistake women make is giving up on dating after 5 dates with 5 not so great guys. </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">To be successful at dating over 50, you have to keep at it.   </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Keep getting out there meeting those new and interesting men we talked about in #7.   </span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">Try new dating sites and apps or start talking to men you meet in real life.</span></p> <p><strong><span style="color: #000000;">Trait #10 Seeking Help When Needed</span></strong></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">The women who had the most fun dating and meeting Mr. Right got help.</span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">They recognized they couldn’t do it all alone.<em>(some had tried for anywhere from 3-20 years before getting help)</em></span></p> <p><span style="color: #000000;">What made the difference is they took action to get the advice and support they needed, <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/apply/">worked with me 1 on 1 or in my Group Program</a> then used what they learned from our time together to meet the right man for them.</span></p> <p>As Sheryl discovered, one strategic move can be the key to unlocking new romantic possibilities.</p> <p><em>Lisa joining your Love after 50 Group was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I learned so much about men, myself, communicating with men and so much more. It’s made a huge difference and helped me have fun dating as a woman in her 60&#8217;s. (And yes, the profile we created together has been great for attracting new and interesting men) And I love how you share what to do and what to say to men. It’s all been a dating game changer for me. So grateful to you and your program. Seeing the women including my self finding interesting men to meet is a paradigm shift that is priceless! Thank you so much. P.S. Found my guy and we&#8217;re now living together. I am so HAPPY!</em></p> <p>So today, I encourage you to take a proactive step towards finding your right match.</p> <p>Each action is a step toward your own success story.</p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" Finding Love After 50: 7 Profile Mistakes Preventing You From Meeting Mr. Right https://findaqualityman.com/finding-love-after-50-7-profile-mistakes-preventing-you-from-meeting-mr-right/ Find a Quality Man urn:uuid:e49f38fd-b6f6-1461-dda0-26143bb24c35 Wed, 06 Mar 2024 12:00:36 +0000 <img src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/KI4PQ7KSZFCJXF47QYNN7WBRRA.jpg" medium align="left" /><p> Finding Love After 50: 7 Profile Mistakes Preventing You From Meeting Mr. Right &#160; Navigating the world of online dating after 50 can feel like a daunting task, especially when you&#8217;re looking for a heart connection that goes beyond the superficial swipes on dating sites. So today,</p> <p>The post <a href="https://findaqualityman.com/finding-love-after-50-7-profile-mistakes-preventing-you-from-meeting-mr-right/">Finding Love After 50: 7 Profile Mistakes Preventing You From Meeting Mr. Right</a> appeared first on <a href="https://findaqualityman.com">FindAQualityMan.com</a>.</p> <h2 style="text-align: center;">Finding Love After 50: 7 Profile Mistakes Preventing You From Meeting Mr. Right</h2> <p>&nbsp;</p> <p style="text-align: left;"><strong><img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="wp-image-19909 size-medium alignleft" src="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/online-dating-300x169.png" alt="" width="300" height="169" srcset="https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/online-dating-300x169.png 300w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/online-dating-150x84.png 150w, https://findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/online-dating.png 560w" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" /></strong></p> <p>Navigating the world of online dating after 50 can feel like a daunting task, especially when you&#8217;re looking for a heart connection that goes beyond the superficial swipes on dating sites.</p> <p>So today, I want to share a comforting embrace around the mistakes you might be making and how to bring warmth and genuineness into your profile, capturing not just the eye but the heart of Mr. Right.</p> <p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Mistake #1 . . . Not Reflecting the Real, Radiant You in Photos</strong></p> <p>Men are visual and what gets their attention first is your face.</p> <p>Over the years, I’ve looked at a lot of profile pictures and I’m always amazed when women post pictures that could be mug shots.</p> <p>I kid you not.</p> <p>All they need are a clipboard with numbers across their chest.</p> <p>That’s how unhappy they look.</p> <p>The thing is, men are naturally drawn to pictures of you smiling.</p> <p>Choose photos where you&#8217;re wearing makeup and clothes that highlight your best features complemented by your radiant smile.</p> <p>You’ll come across as fun and positive and as the kind of woman, a good man wants to meet.</p> <p><em>BTW . . .</em> <em>Not sure what clothes light you up? Think about the outfits you wear that get you the most compliments.</em></p> <p><strong>Mistake # 2 . . .  Not answering the questions Dating Sites ask you</strong></p> <p>No one enjoys spending time answering all the essay questions on dating sites.</p> <p>But, it’s worth your while to get a bit creative when you do, especially if you add a short scenario that draws him in.</p> <p>Here’s what I mean. The site asks you . . .<strong>What’s Your Idea of a Great Date?</strong></p> <p>Instead of just saying riding bikes in the mountains, try this instead.</p> <p><em>Riding bicycles in the park together on a beautiful summer day would be a great date. We’d stop by a stream, open a bottle of wine, and enjoy a wonderful picnic sharing our food as well as our thoughts.</em></p> <p><strong>Mistake #3 . . . Making this romantic faux pas in your profile</strong></p> <p>When I first started dating in my 40&#8217;s I was CLUELESS when it came to writing a good profile.</p> <p>I wrote stuff like I want to make love on a beach.</p> <p>What did I know back then? To me that sounded romantic.</p> <p>I wanted a relationship but that one sentence didn&#8217;t draw in the types of men who wanted the same thing.</p> <p>They saw it as a booty call.</p> <p>Sexual references-even innocent one&#8217;s like the one I wrote- give men the wrong impression and encourages those you probably aren’t interested in to write to you.</p> <p><strong>Mistake #4 . . . Not embracing your UNIQUENESS</strong></p> <p>Over the years, male friends have shared their ideas about profiles they&#8217;ve read.</p> <p>They all say the same thing about these 3 overused lines that turn them off.</p> <ol> <li> I&#8217;m looking for my soul mate <em>(Scammers latch onto soul mate thinking your lonely and perfect prey for them)</em></li> <li>I want to walk hand in hand on the beach</li> <li>I want a man who makes me laugh <em>(men think they have to be a </em><i>comedian to date you)</i></li> </ol> <p>You want to be unique online.</p> <p>Opt for short little stories over statements.</p> <p>Instead of something generic, consider creating a story about walking on the beach or a situation where you&#8217;re laughing that draws a man in.</p> <p>This will illuminate your individuality.</p> <p><strong>Mistake #5 . . . Not following the &#8220;WIFM Rule&#8221; in your profile</strong></p> <p>Anyone who reads a profile, is reading it from the perspective of &#8220;WIFM-What&#8217;s in it for me?&#8221;</p> <p>Think of your profile as a virtual party where you&#8217;re meeting people you&#8217;ve never met before.</p> <p>Weave in questions and invitations that entice a man to imagine his place in your life.</p> <p><strong>For Example,</strong> You can say something like . . . Love getting dressed up and dining out but also enjoy a great burger at one of the dives around town. What’s your favorite spot to hang out? or Want to join me? or We can share our french fries.</p> <p>Remember your profile isn&#8217;t just about you; it&#8217;s a bridge to someone else&#8217;s dreams too and how you might fit into that picture.</p> <p><strong>Mistake #6 . . .  Expressing Your Desires as Demands </strong></p> <p>Nothing irritates a man more than a woman who makes salary or entertainment demands in her profile.</p> <p>Even financially successful men have told me this is a huge turn-off.</p> <p>What pops in their heads when they read a profile like this are the thoughts . . .</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>High Maintenance and Very Demanding</strong></p> <p>And . . .  &#8220;I&#8217;ll never be able to please her!&#8221;  so he moves on.</p> <p>This was happening to a client of mine who thought a Quality Man should take her out every Saturday night to an upscale expensive restaurant.</p> <p>She told me she&#8217;d met a guy who had everything she wanted except this one thing.</p> <p>And she let him go because he had no interest in supporting her expensive culinary tastes.</p> <p>After dating other men, she decided she wanted him back because she realized there was more to a good man than just fine dining.</p> <p>Unfortunately for her, he&#8217;d moved on to a woman who appreciated him for who he was not just for his wallet.</p> <p>You can ask for what you want.</p> <p>Just do it using the soft language of self-respect and mutual respect.</p> <p><strong>Mistake # 7 . . . Not presenting the truth</strong></p> <p>How many times have you gone on a date and met a man who looked nothing like his picture or wasn&#8217;t telling the truth about his age or his height?</p> <p>Did you feel a little angry that he wasn&#8217;t honest with you?</p> <p>Men feel that way too when you fudge the facts.</p> <p>It&#8217;s important to be real about what you look like and how old you are.</p> <p>Sometimes you might think, &#8220;oh if he just gets to know me and see&#8217;s how great I am, it won&#8217;t matter that I fudged the facts.&#8221;</p> <p>This mindset rarely works.</p> <p>I knew a man who fell in what I call &#8216; a strong like&#8217; with a woman&#8217;s picture.</p> <p>As he drove up to the restaurant, he saw her going in.</p> <p>She was about 200 pounds heavier and about 10 years older than the picture displayed on the dating site.</p> <p>He left without even meeting her.</p> <p>Stepping into a date only to find that expectations don&#8217;t match reality can be disappointing.</p> <p>That feeling of frustration comes from both sides when profiles don’t mirror the person behind them.</p> <p>Embracing and presenting your authentic self, including recent photos and honest details about your life, is not only fair but also inviting.</p> <p>Remember, true connection thrives on honesty.</p> <p>By being genuine in your profile, you&#8217;re more likely to attract a man who appreciates the real you—the depth, stories, and experiences that have shaped you that allow the two of you to create a lasting bond that is built on trust.</p> <p>Now to inspire you that love is possible in your life.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><strong>You helped me make my DREAM COME TRUE!</strong></p> <p><em>Lisa, I’m so glad I worked with you. Your program made me focus on this dream. Helped me become more confident as well as get my QMT done so I could identify my guy. Your support through the process of dating and being in a relationship with my guy has been so helpful. Seriously, your coaching program is a great investment. You are a Godsend to us women over 50. Thanks again! </em><em><span class="author">Karen, Washington</span></em></p> <p>If you&#8217;re ready to embrace a new chapter of love in your life that fills you with hope and excitement, I invite you to take the first step by replying YES to this email and we can arrange a conversation to explore how we can bring your vision of love after 50 to life for you.</p> <p>Believing in you!</p> <p style="margin:2px 0">Believing in You!</p><img decoding="async" src="http://www.findaqualityman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Black-Auto-Sig.png" border="0" alt="Lisa" class="lisa-sig" /><hr><p style="margin:2px 0"><b>Your Next Steps to Love after 50. . . .</b></p><p style="margin:2px 0"><img src="https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/72x72/1f49e.png" alt=" Men Seeking Love Should Definitely Use A Professional Matchmaker https://alexismeads.com/men-seeking-love-should-definitely-use-a-professional-matchmaker/ Alexis Meads | Dating Coach and Dating Expert | Portland Oregon urn:uuid:4297fb6d-75e8-3075-7e1d-aa5b35717156 Sat, 05 Nov 2022 20:50:34 +0000 <p>Many new singles entering the dating world are discovering that it’s not that easy to find that special someone. Today the use of dating apps is every popular but even that can turn into an almost full time job. This can be difficult for busy professional men. So, men seeking love should definitely use a ...Continue Reading</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com/men-seeking-love-should-definitely-use-a-professional-matchmaker/">Men Seeking Love Should Definitely Use A Professional Matchmaker</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com">Alexis Meads | Dating Coach and Dating Expert | Portland Oregon</a>.</p> <p>Many new singles entering the dating world are discovering that it’s not that easy to find that special someone. Today the use of dating apps is every popular but even that can turn into an almost full time job. This can be difficult for busy professional men. So, men seeking love should definitely use a professional matchmaker.</p> <div id="attachment_12749" style="width: 1010px" class="wp-caption alignnone"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-12749" decoding="async" class="wp-image-12749 size-full" src="https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker.jpg" alt="Men Seeking Love Should Definitely Use A Professional Matchmaker" width="1000" height="600" srcset="https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker-200x120.jpg 200w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker-300x180.jpg 300w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker-400x240.jpg 400w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker-600x360.jpg 600w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker-768x461.jpg 768w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker-800x480.jpg 800w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/Men-Seeking-Love-Should-Definitely-Use-A-Professional-Matchmaker.jpg 1000w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /><p id="caption-attachment-12749" class="wp-caption-text"> </p></div> <p>But like dating apps, one size doesn’t fit all. We have all seen the <a href="https://www.bravotv.com/the-millionaire-matchmaker" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Bravo TV show Millionaire Matchmaker</a>. Here a man picks from a group of women with the hope one will win his heart. That is not the way it typically works.</p> <p>Today’s matchmakers are generally broken down into two distinct groups. The large national chains and the specialized <a href="https://myoneamor.com/choosing-between-the-big-dating-services-or-local-boutique-matchmaker/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">boutique matchmaker</a>.</p> <p>The national chains in many ways are not much different from regular online dating or dating apps. Here a matchmaker matches you with a database of women. The limitation is if they don’t have someone as part of that database, you’re probably not going to find a match.</p> <p>The boutique matchmakers on the other hand starts with a database but then take it several steps further.</p> <p>These matchmakers usually work with a network or other matchmakers, so they have access to multiple databases of women. Beyond that, a select group of boutique matchmakers use a network of recruiters.</p> <p><a href="https://lovebossmatchmaking.com/florida-matchmaking-services-for-the-ultra-wealthy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Recruiters</a> are people who are out and about. These can be bartenders, event promoters and others who are on the scene at specialized singles venues. Recruiters can be on the look out for very specific women who meet the criteria a male client may be seeking.</p> <p>So how do you choose the best matchmaker ?</p> <h3>As it turns out there is one matchmaking company who consistently <a href="https://myoneamor.com/2022-choice-for-best-matchmaker-in-the-us-and-canada/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">wins awards</a> and has an over 90% success rate at matching couples.</h3> <p>Love Boss Matchmaking works in the entire U.S. and Canada. The service is <a href="https://lovebossmatchmaking.com/for-her/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">free for women</a>. Male clients can get custom tailored plans that meet their needs and budget.</p> <p><strong><a href="https://lovebossmatchmaking.com/for-him/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Men can fill out a confidential profile</a> or call Love Boss Matchmaking +1-(561)-903-0500. A matchmaker will set up a same day call. </strong></p> <h3>Men Seeking Love Should Definitely Use A Professional Matchmaker</h3> <p>Contact <a href="https://alexismeads.com/contact/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Alexis Meads</a></p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com/men-seeking-love-should-definitely-use-a-professional-matchmaker/">Men Seeking Love Should Definitely Use A Professional Matchmaker</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com">Alexis Meads | Dating Coach and Dating Expert | Portland Oregon</a>.</p> Video Chat Before A First Date Is A Must https://alexismeads.com/video-chat-before-a-first-date-a-must/ Alexis Meads | Dating Coach and Dating Expert | Portland Oregon urn:uuid:6d851a8a-7ee4-4bd0-43aa-011640ffd65e Mon, 09 Aug 2021 15:40:39 +0000 <p>Video Chat Before A First Date Is A Must We all Facetime with friends and family. Video chat became the only way to date or meet during the lockdowns. But to video chat before a first date is a must. Although many people use the term Facetime, that is unique to those who ...Continue Reading</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com/video-chat-before-a-first-date-a-must/">Video Chat Before A First Date Is A Must</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com">Alexis Meads | Dating Coach and Dating Expert | Portland Oregon</a>.</p> <div id="attachment_12740" style="width: 960px" class="wp-caption alignnone"><img aria-describedby="caption-attachment-12740" class="wp-image-12740 size-full" src="https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must.jpg" alt="Video Chat Before A First Date Is A Must" width="950" height="633" srcset="https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must-200x133.jpg 200w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must-300x200.jpg 300w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must-400x267.jpg 400w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must-600x400.jpg 600w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must-768x512.jpg 768w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must-800x533.jpg 800w, https://alexismeads.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/Video-Chat-Before-A-First-Date-Is-A-Must.jpg 950w" sizes="(max-width: 950px) 100vw, 950px" /><p id="caption-attachment-12740" class="wp-caption-text">Video Chat Before A First Date Is A Must</p></div> <p>We all Facetime with friends and family. Video chat became the only way to date or meet during the lockdowns. But to video chat before a first date is a must.</p> <p>Although many people use the term Facetime, that is unique to those who own an iPhone. The most popular video chat app is WhatsApp. It is owned by Facebook and has over 5 billion users. That makes it the most used app of its kind in the world by far.</p> <h3>If you don’t want to give out their phone number, dating apps like <a href="https://www.match.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Match</a> and <a href="https://bumble.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Bumble</a> have video chat functions.</h3> <p>As we have talked about before, it’s important to talk to someone to see if there is any connection. Taking that to the next level is video chatting. First off, it eliminates any chance of being <a href="https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2020/02/9452383/i-was-catfished-date-story" target="_blank" rel="noopener">catfished</a>.</p> <p>Video chatting allows to really experience what it is like to actually be with a person. The only difference from being in person, is you can’t smell of touch the person. What most people find is if the connect well on video, they are excited meet.</p> <h3>You feel like you already know the person when meeting so the whole sense of awkwardness or anxiety is gone.</h3> <p>In fact, we found that over 90% of those who video chatted before the <a href="https://myoneamor.com/why-best-first-dates-turn-bad/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">first date</a> had a second date !</p> <p>So, the numbers speak for themselves on how few bad first dates happened. It makes sense because the video chats themselves were almost like first dates.</p> <h3>And for those who just want to meet, are over 90% of your first dates turning into second dates ?</h3> <p>The bottom line here is you have great video chats, you’re probably going to have an amazing first date. And remember, you can always blow a kiss at someone during a video chat.</p> <p>If you don’t think that video chat before a first date is a must, then think again.</p> <p>And for more free advice on first dates, you can request a free session on <a href="https://datingcoachlive.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Dating Coach Live.</a> Or if  you want total talk for a professional matchmaker, check out <a href="https://lovebossmatchmaking.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Love Boss Matchmaking</a>.</p> <p><em><a href="https://alexismeads.com/about/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Alexis</a> XoXO</em></p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com/video-chat-before-a-first-date-a-must/">Video Chat Before A First Date Is A Must</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://alexismeads.com">Alexis Meads | Dating Coach and Dating Expert | Portland Oregon</a>.</p> 5 (Surprising!) Things Men Crave in a Woman https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/09/08/5-Surprising-Things-Men-Crave-in-a-Woman ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:03914bc0-c7a5-6542-b49f-4dba5c381177 Wed, 09 Sep 2020 01:11:38 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/Q6YUCaINjkQ/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Q6YUCaINjkQ"/></div> The #1 Surprising Emotion That Makes 97.5% of Men Respect You https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/09/01/The-1-Surprising-Emotion-That-Makes-975-of-Men-Respect-You ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:86ed8db9-f41c-2eab-43be-cab4cc020647 Tue, 01 Sep 2020 17:23:06 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/eWRRgyeHEkU/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/eWRRgyeHEkU"/></div> Are You Guilty of These 5 Dating "Turn Offs" That Disgust Men https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/08/25/Are-You-Guilty-of-These-5-Dating-Turn-Offs-That-Disgust-Men ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:e5dd7bde-ff0d-bfec-2444-d006fdefb2aa Tue, 25 Aug 2020 17:15:41 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/uq5tMnxwwYw/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/uq5tMnxwwYw"/></div> When A Man Purposely Ignores You: The SHOCKING Reason https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/08/18/When-A-Man-Purposely-Ignores-You-The-SHOCKING-Reason ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:1b2a6785-3095-b902-e1ad-f50881932ff3 Tue, 18 Aug 2020 18:01:54 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/OP-twe499WA/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OP-twe499WA"/></div> The #1 Secret To Make A Man Love and Value You https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/08/15/The-1-Secret-To-Make-A-Man-Love-and-Value-You ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:9769a6af-1d0e-71d0-c6e0-1df2925eb010 Sat, 15 Aug 2020 18:30:20 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/WbDSkyO4z0Y/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WbDSkyO4z0Y"/></div> THIS Communication Style Brings A Man Closer To You https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/08/11/THIS-Communication-Style-Brings-A-Man-Closer-To-You ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:23128165-a726-88a5-764f-5892e4a30a6c Tue, 11 Aug 2020 17:17:18 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/pdelLLBakW8/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/pdelLLBakW8"/></div> The 3 Things He's Thinking About During No Contact https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/08/08/The-3-Things-Hes-Thinking-About-During-No-Contact ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:69cf7dee-2421-d4c5-f1f7-96f08d594b6d Sat, 08 Aug 2020 18:05:18 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/_NmP7Rq342g/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_NmP7Rq342g"/></div> He Will NEVER Lose Interest When You Do THIS! https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/08/04/He-Will-NEVER-Lose-Interest-When-You-Do-THIS ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:b4854669-54d9-e272-fc8b-c1f6c0fbe571 Tue, 04 Aug 2020 17:26:16 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/8YXBSGkFvNo/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/8YXBSGkFvNo"/></div> 5 Signs He Sees You As A High-Value Woman https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/08/01/5-Signs-He-Sees-You-As-A-High-Value-Woman ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:8872e9d3-9081-03c7-96b2-d207ed3befed Sat, 01 Aug 2020 18:17:51 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/qw9z1nvd2Ow/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qw9z1nvd2Ow"/></div> 3 Shameless Ways Men Test Women Online https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/07/28/3-Shameless-Ways-Men-Test-Women-Online ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:210672bd-0193-c28f-01a5-13ce3444c9a6 Tue, 28 Jul 2020 17:43:15 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/GJwO8aSMyfg/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/GJwO8aSMyfg"/></div> Never Fight For His Attention - Do THIS Instead! https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/07/26/Never-Fight-For-His-Attention---Do-THIS-Instead ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:7ee0aece-7b3c-9a7c-8f11-3cd014455ac5 Sun, 26 Jul 2020 17:31:37 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/sgUBk7xHTYQ/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sgUBk7xHTYQ"/></div> 1 Instant Way To Start LOVING YOURSELF (This Will Surprise You...) https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/07/21/1-Instant-Way-To-Start-LOVING-YOURSELF-This-Will-Surprise-You ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:0798d213-a538-b5d7-5da6-733308dc7a5d Tue, 21 Jul 2020 17:27:30 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/6vTixghj_28/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6vTixghj_28"/></div> How A Man Bonds With A Woman ~ You Must Hear This! https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/07/19/How-A-Man-Bonds-With-A-Woman-You-Must-Hear-This ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:2abf1848-8eaf-2844-321e-c32ec9109cd5 Sun, 19 Jul 2020 23:31:18 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/TzvoMQmIEfs/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/TzvoMQmIEfs"/></div> 5 Signs That He Genuinely Cares About You https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/07/04/5-Signs-That-He-Genuinely-Cares-About-You ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:79e74aaa-5776-5673-49da-4e6508247ca3 Sat, 04 Jul 2020 16:30:01 +0000 5 Signs That He Genuinely Cares About You0:33 1 - Puts your physical needs first2:11 2 - He Is Proud of You and Tells friends, family, and everyone3:19 3 - Is he willing to break his routine for you4:19 4 - He Remembers the little things5:10 5 - He is vulnerable with you<img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/4GV1cxrwJ6g/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4GV1cxrwJ6g"/><div>5 Signs That He Genuinely Cares About You</div><div>0:33 1 - Puts your physical needs first</div><div>2:11 2 - He Is Proud of You and Tells friends, family, and everyone</div><div>3:19 3 - Is he willing to break his routine for you</div><div>4:19 4 - He Remembers the little things</div><div>5:10 5 - He is vulnerable with you</div></div> Say THIS and Make His Heart Melt https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/06/30/Say-THIS-and-Make-His-Heart-Melt ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:be830d05-6d47-5205-0415-bfdc42ca04da Tue, 30 Jun 2020 15:52:22 +0000 Say This and Make His Heart Melt In order to make him crave you, melt into a puddle, and ultimately be putty in your hand there is certain words that can accomplish that.In today's video we will discuss what you can do/say to make his heart melt for you and truly desiring you.<img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/A_WyQTIYGtQ/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/A_WyQTIYGtQ"/><div>Say This and Make His Heart Melt In order to make him crave you, melt into a puddle, and ultimately be putty in your hand there is certain words that can accomplish that.</div><div>In today's video we will discuss what you can do/say to make his heart melt for you and truly desiring you.</div></div> 4 Surprising Factors That Make Him ADDICTED To You https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/06/27/4-Surprising-Factors-That-Make-Him-ADDICTED-To-You ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:956f2fb2-f817-d43a-0aec-fe158aaaa31d Sat, 27 Jun 2020 18:22:37 +0000 4 Surprising Factors That Make Him Addicted To YouMaking a man addicted to you will cause him to keep coming back for more. The man will crave you, chase you, and want to spend time with you.Here are the 4 Surprising Factors1. Having an amazing life2. Sexy Boundaries executed properly - watch video for role played examples3. Appreciation4. No Self Doubt<img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/3hxn2zjdmNs/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3hxn2zjdmNs"/><div>4 Surprising Factors That Make Him Addicted To You</div><div>Making a man addicted to you will cause him to keep coming back for more. The man will crave you, chase you, and want to spend time with you.</div><div>Here are the 4 Surprising Factors</div><div>1. Having an amazing life</div><div>2. Sexy Boundaries executed properly - watch video for role played examples</div><div>3. Appreciation</div><div>4. No Self Doubt</div></div> The #1 Thing That Makes Him PULL AWAY (Do THIS Instead to Activate his Masculine Desire to Chase) https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/06/23/The-1-Thing-That-Makes-Him-PULL-AWAY-Do-THIS-Instead-to-Activate-his-Masculine-Desire-to-Chase ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:3ff5c170-b19b-1d13-5536-5cb98110e9ff Tue, 23 Jun 2020 18:28:35 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/knpOiUaK-Pw/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/knpOiUaK-Pw"/></div> Inspire Him to Love You Even More by Expressing Your Needs and Desires THIS Way https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/06/20/Inspire-Him-to-Love-You-Even-More-by-Expressing-Your-Needs-and-Desires-THIS-Way ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:5640a5a3-1da7-2cc9-63c6-ee987d748772 Sat, 20 Jun 2020 17:08:14 +0000 In this video I will teach you how to inspire him to love you even more by expressing your needs and desires this way.<img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/uKaQnNOwhPY/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/uKaQnNOwhPY"/><div>In this video I will teach you how to inspire him to love you even more by expressing your needs and desires this way.</div></div> MALE SECRETS EXPOSED - What Men Will NEVER Admit To Women https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/06/18/MALE-SECRETS-EXPOSED---What-Men-Will-NEVER-Admit-To-Women ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:a57aa0fa-cef4-661a-2216-c3872b634f38 Thu, 18 Jun 2020 18:56:44 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/w0JLz-5y0bw/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/w0JLz-5y0bw"/></div> Men Fall In Love When Women REVEAL THIS (What His Heart Wants) https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/06/18/Men-Fall-In-Love-When-Women-REVEAL-THIS-What-His-Heart-Wants ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:0cff2914-a716-919a-878c-68b1fbd579dd Thu, 18 Jun 2020 18:54:28 +0000 Men Fall in love when women reveal this. (What his heart wants).Men will fall for a woman when she is authentically herself and when she feels comfortable to be herself and show her idiosyncrasies.In todays video we will share some stories that will illustrate what causes a man to fall in love, and what women need to do to cause this. (This is what his heart is craving).<img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/fm7gPntN8uU/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/fm7gPntN8uU"/><div>Men Fall in love when women reveal this. (What his heart wants).</div><div>Men will fall for a woman when she is authentically herself and when she feels comfortable to be herself and show her idiosyncrasies.</div><div>In todays video we will share some stories that will illustrate what causes a man to fall in love, and what women need to do to cause this. (This is what his heart is craving).</div></div> LEARN THIS and Men will WORSHIP YOU https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/06/13/LEARN-THIS-and-Men-will-WORSHIP-YOU ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:795c103d-0a05-beba-dbaf-5abf5e60a855 Sat, 13 Jun 2020 16:45:40 +0000 Understand Men So They Will Worship You1. What Do Men Want?2. How do you tell a man what you need and want without nagging?3. Do women or men have more opportunity to find their match?4. What makes a man worship us?NAABNeededAppreciatedAcceptedBoundaries<img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/Peu4SXn2BvY/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Peu4SXn2BvY"/><div>Understand Men So They Will Worship You</div><div>1. What Do Men Want?</div><div>2. How do you tell a man what you need and want without nagging?</div><div>3. Do women or men have more opportunity to find their match?</div><div>4. What makes a man worship us?</div><div>NAAB</div><div>Needed</div><div>Appreciated</div><div>Accepted</div><div>Boundaries</div></div> What Causes A Man To End A Relationship? https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/05/26/What-Causes-A-Man-To-End-A-Relationship ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:68c56f05-4a4a-52b7-bcb0-20b364e12843 Tue, 26 May 2020 18:39:25 +0000 Why do relationships end?The fun stops and couples don't stop fighting over problems that both parties have already decided are not solvable.Couples need to look at their "perpectual" problems and decide is this a deal breaker of can we accept that we will NEVER see eye to eye on this particular issue.<img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/0UW42HY6B7E/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/0UW42HY6B7E"/><div>Why do relationships end?</div><div>The fun stops and couples don't stop fighting over problems that both parties have already decided are not solvable.</div><div>Couples need to look at their &quot;perpectual&quot; problems and decide is this a deal breaker of can we accept that we will NEVER see eye to eye on this particular issue.</div></div> How to Text a Guy to Drive Him Wild! https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/05/15/How-to-text-a-guy-to-drive-him-wild ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:ca9f360e-f0b8-701c-eb42-5863355e561b Fri, 15 May 2020 22:15:53 +0000 You’ve got his number, you want to text him, and you want to make this guy go crazy for you. We spend more time communicating via text messages, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Instagram messenger than ever, so what's the best way to build chemistry and attraction via text? Is there a certain approach you can take to spark his interest and drive him wild? What’s the best way to set yourself apart from everyone else?In today’s article on how to text a guy, I want to give you some tips and tools that I<img src="http://static.wixstatic.com/media/bc1981_2321d8e059be471cae2d84d120323862%7Emv2.jpg"/> <div><img src="http://static.wixstatic.com/media/bc1981_2321d8e059be471cae2d84d120323862~mv2.jpg"/><div>You’ve got his number, you want to text him, and you want to make this guy go crazy for you. We spend more time communicating via text messages, WhatsApp, Facebook, and Instagram messenger than ever, so what's the best way to build chemistry and attraction via text? Is there a certain approach you can take to spark his interest and drive him wild? What’s the best way to set yourself apart from everyone else?</div><div>In today’s article on how to text a guy, I want to give you some tips and tools that I share with my clients during our one on one coaching sessions. By incorporating these techniques into your conversations via text with this guy, you’re going to have everything you need to make him become addicted to you!</div><div>How to text a guy and spark his interest</div><div>I’ve been working with women who want to perfect their seduction and flirtation skills for many years now, so I can tell you what works and what doesn’t. For starters, one of the most common mistakes I see is a person trying to show their interest by constantly telling their “target” how attracted they are. The thing is, human nature makes us take things that are handed to us on a silver platter for granted. What’s more, we’ve been taught that to receive more love, we need to keep giving more love.</div><div>Human nature is a fascinating thing and works a bit differently, and we need to keep this in mind while we discuss how to text a guy you like…</div><div>First things first, it’s better to communicate your interest in person than through text message, especially if it’s early on in the dating process. I know that we’re in the 21st century and it feels like everything happens through text, but we need to build attraction in a way that truly grabs his attention! Because texting is so commonplace, I want you to stand out in his mind.</div><div>What to text a guy when you want to drive him wild:</div><div>It all begins with laying out a good foundation. The more you know about him, the easier it will be to attract him, so it all starts with asking him the right questions. Show him that you’re genuinely curious about his life, and you can start to talk about your personal life as well.</div><div>This is so important because men respond well when they find someone who is fun, uplifting, and interesting. They tend to pull away when they start to feel pressure to be in a relationship, to be a couple, to make rules, etc. This is why I always talk about building attraction by creating interest. So when you’re texting this guy, ask him about his life! I know that a lot of people struggle with this simply because they like the guy and it makes them a little self-conscious. It feels like there are stakes so they put pressure on themselves to be extra flirtatious or even eager.</div><div>There is a simple remedy for this: Just talk to this guy the way that you would talk to your best friend. Let your humor shine through, don’t be afraid to joke around, and don’t think about labels like “the relationship” or “boyfriend.” This way, you’ll allow it to develop easily and naturally. Whatever you do, don’t try to rush things. You’ll only put pressure on yourself and he’ll pick up on it! Just allow yourself to be yourself, and then we can get into honing in on sparking his interest…</div><div>How to text a guy you like: Tell him about YOU</div><div>We want to find out more about his life, but it’s equally important to talk about your personal life as well. There is a really effective tool for this, actually. If you can spark his curiosity, you’ll grab his attention.</div><div>Look at the difference between, “Today was nice because I ran into an old friend,” and “You’ll never guess what happened today!”</div><div>The way you text can create excitement and complicity. In the second option, he’d immediately want to know what happened and it’s easy for him to continue the conversation with you. Then you could go on to say that you bumped into this friend at the supermarket which is nuts, because you met them in a different city. Be playful in your storytelling and you’ll make the conversations fun and captivating. Men love to talk about themselves but they also like to hear stories, and this is the perfect way to share more about your life as well.</div><div>This way, he’ll become more and more interested, in your life, and not just your appearance! The more you share, the more you’ll build chemistry. I often see that when a woman likes a guy, she’ll want to get straight to the point and talk about feelings and relationships, but this can undermine you. If you do that, you’re moving too fast so I really encourage you to talk to this guy as if he were your best friend, and don’t be afraid to show him how interestING (not interested) you are! There is no need to play a role or to play games. It’s just going to help you be even more confident, which is something that men find irresistibly sexy.</div><div>What to text a guy: Flirtation and teasing</div><div>We can’t neglect the importance of flirtation when it comes to how to text a guy. We’re all here because we want to have fun and be happy. Nobody wants to talk about deeply serious stuff that might feel a little heavy when you’re first starting to build chemistry. So be fun, share pictures of your day and show him that you’re enjoying yourself! Live a life that looks interesting and inviting and remember, men LOVE to chase. They want you to be a challenge.</div><div>So this is where flirtation and teasing can come into play! Let’s say that you dance salsa. Let him know! Talk to him about how much you love it and how it makes you feel. Then tease him when you talk about going out dancing together one night.</div><div>“Oh, you think you could keep up with me on the dance floor? ;)”</div><div>So often we forget to show our personalities when we like someone, when that’s the key to making them fall for you! The more you can flirt and tease while showing him that you’re confident in what you bring to the table, the more you become a challenge. This is what will keep him coming back for more!</div><div>Don’t text a guy all the time!</div><div>As this article comes to a close, I want to leave you with one last bit of useful information, and this is huge. If a guy feels that you are constantly available to him, it’ll become easy for him to take you for granted.</div><div>We don’t want that at all, so be busy! Fill up your schedule with people, projects, and activities that bring you joy! Make the conversations you have with him fun and flirtatious, and don’t be afraid to take your time to respond to him. This way, you naturally make him realize that your life is rich and inviting. He might even realize that he’d be a fool to not want to try to be a part of it.</div><div>My friends, this is where social media comes into play. Even if you aren’t talking to him all the time, you can be posting pictures of all the fun things you’re doing, the workout you just completed, the trip you’re planning on taking and it will all catch his attention. He will subconsciously put you on a pedestal when he realizes that you’ve got so much interesting stuff going on AND you’re making him wait.</div><div>You’re the challenge, you’re the prize, and you’re in control of your life! Ladies, there is nothing sexier in a man’s eyes.</div><div>I wish you all the very best in love,</div><div>Your #1 French relationship coach</div><div>Alex Cormont</div><div>P.S. - Alex's got a free gift for you! A free masterclass on how men work. In this class you will discover all the secrets of male psychology so you can be totally happy and in love.</div><div><a href="https://www.alex-cormont.com/comprendre-les-hommes5t5usv07?affiliate_id=2398411">Click Here</a> to sign up for the FREE Masterclass. </div></div> How to have an INTENSE Connection With A Man When You Are Far Away https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/04/14/How-to-have-an-INTENSE-Connection-With-A-Man-When-You-Are-Far-Away ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:5624f53f-d513-f411-5ad4-ba159c718ed3 Tue, 14 Apr 2020 17:56:46 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/R86izJRCwc0/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/R86izJRCwc0"/></div> Why Men Are Confusing When It Comes to CommitMENt https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/04/07/Why-Men-Are-Confusing-When-It-Comes-to-CommitMENt ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:c53c69ed-8de1-8ff0-8050-6f10d2fdb005 Tue, 07 Apr 2020 17:13:34 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/iNQ_xMfSE3A/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/iNQ_xMfSE3A"/></div> How to Keep Him Crazy In Love With You (Powerful, Be Careful With This) https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/04/04/How-to-Keep-Him-Crazy-In-Love-With-You-Powerful-Be-Careful-With-This ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:985effd3-715e-4b8d-8fbd-c00bca3d1990 Sat, 04 Apr 2020 19:26:29 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/wdvsNrI-HQk/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wdvsNrI-HQk"/></div> I Visited An Escort and I Regret It. What Should I Do? https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ashamed-of-visiting-an-escort/ Paging Dr. NerdLove urn:uuid:39c35e66-42b0-782f-d1a1-1b7896ccd358 Mon, 30 Mar 2020 13:30:11 +0000 <p>Hi Doc, hope you&#8217;re doing great. As the title says, I went to an escort a few weeks ago. Some backstory: I&#8217;m 28, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend and I&#8217;ve always been rejected. I always feel very lonely and sad about this, thinking that I&#8217;ll probably never have a girlfriend and I&#8217;ll [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ashamed-of-visiting-an-escort/">I Visited An Escort and I Regret It. What Should I Do?</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com">Paging Dr. NerdLove</a>.</p> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40/loose.dtd"> <html><body><p><strong>Hi Doc, hope you&rsquo;re doing great.</strong></p> <p><strong>As the title says, I went to an escort a few weeks ago. Some backstory: I&rsquo;m 28, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend and I&rsquo;ve always been rejected. I always feel very lonely and sad about this, thinking that I&rsquo;ll probably never have a girlfriend and I&rsquo;ll die as a lonely and bitter old man. I thought many times about doing this, to finally see and experience something foreign and unreachable for me, and one night I took courage and did it. I contacted someone I thought was cute, the same age as me and provided GFE (girlfriend experience), booked an hour and went to her apartment. She noticed I was a bag of nerves and I told her it was my first time, so she tried to calm me down.</strong></p> <p><b>She was very nice and kind and it wasn&rsquo;t awkward or weird. I had so many feelings like I was being shaken and for that hour my mind went blank and I forgot about everything. I felt alive. The thing is, and please please believe me, we didn&rsquo;t have sex. We kissed for a while (it was great) and when I hugged her I just didn&rsquo;t want to let her go. We spend the rest of our time cuddling and talking about our lives, what we liked and just chillin&rsquo;. We had a long hug before I left and she kissed me on the cheek.</b></p> <p><strong>Everything was fine until I got out of there. On the ride home, I felt like if everyone on the bus knew just what I did. I thought about my parents. They would be very disappointed and angry. I thought I just had my first kiss with someone I didn&rsquo;t love and vice versa and after all it was meaningless. I felt empty and guilty. I thought about that poor girl who had to tolerate being kissed and touched by me. I feel like I&rsquo;m a bad person for purchasing a kiss and someone&rsquo;s time like if it was a sandwich. And what its worst, I&rsquo;m thinking about doing it again. Not tomorrow, not next week, but probably one or twice a month in the future.</strong></p> <p><strong>I know it&rsquo;s far of being the best coping mechanism and it&rsquo;s a fake experience, but for someone like me, this is the closest I&rsquo;ll ever be to intimacy. At least is something, right? I have so many mixed feelings and I don&rsquo;t know what to do. I feel sorry and hate myself for doing it. Yet I was happy for the experience. I have no one to talk about this (since it&rsquo;s pretty embarrassing and sad) any advice?</strong></p> <p><strong>Thanks!</strong></p> <p><strong>Advice Needed</strong></p> <p><span id="more-15575"></span></p> <p>So I feel for you, AN. I get what it&rsquo;s like to feel like there&rsquo;s this experience that other people will have that you&rsquo;ll never get to know. But as with a lot of folks who write in &mdash; folks who are in similar situations as you &mdash; the problem you&rsquo;re experiencing isn&rsquo;t the problem you&nbsp;<em>think</em> you&rsquo;re having.</p> <p>I get a&nbsp;<em>lot</em> of letters from<a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-is-it-too-late-for-me/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> late-bloomers and older virgins</a>, <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-whats-wrong-desperate/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">even folks going through months or years long dry spells</a>, who talk about how badly they want to get laid why can&rsquo;t they find someone to hook up with who&rsquo;d relieve them of this burden. But the thing is, the issue they&rsquo;re having&nbsp;<em>isn&rsquo;t</em> the lack of sex. If that&rsquo;s all it were, <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-how-should-i-lose-my-virginity/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">there would be any number of ways to get that particular itch scratched</a>. This can be anything from finding someone who may not be your usual type but is down for something casual, hitting up Tinder or, yes, going to a sex worker. If a person worried about the legality of the matter, then saving up money for a trip to Reno or Amsterdam is always an option, especially if you want it badly enough.</p> <p>However, the issue isn&rsquo;t <em>sex</em>, it&rsquo;s the desire for&nbsp;<em>validation.&nbsp;</em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPlRTXOmiWE" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The incel community is a prime example of this</a>. Even when you filter out the folks <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/incel-phenomenon/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">using the label as an excuse for the hate, misogyny and untreated body dysmorphia,</a> you barely have to scratch the surface before you get down to the fact that what they want is to feel&nbsp;<em>validated.&nbsp;</em>It&rsquo;s the sense that someone&nbsp;<em>chose</em> you and that this means that you&rsquo;re special or somehow better than the folks that <em>weren&rsquo;t</em>. Hence, approaches like visiting a sex worker are seen as &ldquo;cheating&rdquo;. To quote a classic case of &ldquo;missing the point&rdquo;:</p> <blockquote><p><strong>You cheated not only the game, but yourself.<br> You didn&rsquo;t grow.<br> You didn&rsquo;t improve.<br> You took a shortcut and gained nothing.<br> You experienced a hollow victory.<br> Nothing was risked and nothing was gained.</strong></p> <p>&nbsp;</p></blockquote> <p>And hey, cool story bro, but this approach misses the point so thoroughly that it launched itself into low-earth orbit instead. As I&rsquo;ve said many times before, women ain&rsquo;t Mjolnir; nobody has &ldquo;Whomsoever shall part these thighs, if they be worthy, shall have the power of SCORE&rdquo; embroidered on their panties.</p> <p>(And if they do, someone owes me royalties.)</p> <p>Women have sex with folks for a multitude of reasons, reasons that often have NOTHING to do with the person they&rsquo;re sleeping with, just as men do. Women sleep with people because they&rsquo;re bored, they want validation, to send a message to someone, as a form of self-harm, to try to get over someone else&hellip; all things that don&rsquo;t mean that the person they&rsquo;re having sex&nbsp;<em>with</em> was the top of the heap, the best of the best. Sometimes it means that they were the nearest and most convenient or even the least objectionable.</p> <p>Visiting an escort and paying for a girlfriend experience isn&rsquo;t cheating the system any more than going to a restaurant and having someone else cook you dinner is cheating. It&rsquo;s an exchange of money for a service. It&rsquo;s not the mark of someone &ldquo;who couldn&rsquo;t get laid any other way&rdquo; &mdash; look at how many married people, even&nbsp;<em>celebrities</em> have visited escorts &mdash; and it&rsquo;s not the mark of a loser. What you take away from it and what it means is entirely up to you.</p> <p>So with that in mind,&nbsp; let&rsquo;s talk about your case specifically, AN. You have a few issues here. The first is that you&rsquo;re treating this as something shameful &mdash; that you &ldquo;cheated&rdquo; the system somehow by having this moment with somebody that you paid. So let me ask you this: would you feel differently if you had this same experience with someone you met at a bar, but who&rsquo;s motivation was &ldquo;I just want to get off, and I don&rsquo;t care with who?&rdquo; Or a person at a party who decided that she was going to make out with someone because she was angry at her ex and you happened to be there? Would you be feeling the same if your first kiss was literally just someone else using you to get back at someone else?</p> <p>Instead you went to a professional, paid her for her time, and she provided you with an experience that was specifically for&nbsp;<em>you</em>. Your first kiss was with somebody who knew that it was your first and was focused&nbsp;<em>entirely</em> on your enjoyment and comfort. To be perfectly frank: you probably had a better first kiss than a lot of folks who stumbled into theirs. Your partner was someone who was entirely focused on you, your needs and the moment. That&rsquo;s going to be a lot more enjoyable than a drunken hook-up or a random make-out at a bar or a party.</p> <p>The thing that you have to understand is that the &ldquo;meaning&rdquo; of anything is literally just what you decide it means. A first kiss, a first sexual experience,&nbsp; hell, the first cheeseburger of the year, all have the same meaning: nothing. And everything. It all comes down to what you have decided it means. The idea that a first kiss should be with someone you love is a completely artificial construct, and one that&rsquo;s more tied to sexual shame than objective reality. Plenty of folks had their first kiss with people they don&rsquo;t love. Even more had their first sexual experience with people they didn&rsquo;t love, or even <em>like,</em> in some cases. We don&rsquo;t shame them for that, and the folks who do are just&nbsp;<em>assholes</em>.</p> <p>The things you&rsquo;re feeling &mdash; the idea that the folks on the bus could tell, the idea that your parents would be upset &mdash; that&rsquo;s shame fucking with you. That&rsquo;s the idea that you &ldquo;cheated the system&rdquo; trying to convince you that you did something wrong. You didn&rsquo;t, because there&nbsp;<em>is no system to cheat</em>. There is just your life, your experiences and your path. This isn&rsquo;t a &ldquo;fake&rdquo; experience; a fake experience would be if it were all a dream or virtual reality. It&rsquo;s just&nbsp;<em>an experience&hellip;&nbsp;</em>one that you&rsquo;ve&nbsp;<em>decided</em> was fake. That&rsquo;s a different thing entirely.</p> <p>The second issue you&rsquo;re having is that you&rsquo;re treating this as your somehow &ldquo;inflicting&rdquo; yourself on the escort you visited&hellip; except you did nothing of the sort. I realize that folks think that paying an sex-worker means that you&rsquo;ve basically coerced someone into doing your bidding &mdash; a time-limited sex-slave, if you will &mdash; but the reality is that being with an escort is&nbsp;<em>still</em> a matter of consent. The idea of &ldquo;we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone&rdquo; still exists, even if you&rsquo;re an escort, a stripper, a cam girl or someone providing happy endings with a massage. If the escort you visited didn&rsquo;t want to do anything with you, she could very easily have told you to get the fuck out. Similarly, if she had such a horrible time that she couldn&rsquo;t possibly contemplate the idea of ever seeing you again, then she could very easily refuse to let you book another appointment with her.</p> <p>And while the experience may have been transactional, that doesn&rsquo;t automatically mean that it&rsquo;s bad, a bad experience for the escort or a sign that she doesn&rsquo;t like you. Plenty of sex workers have very fond relationships with their regulars, just as folks in the service industry have fond relationships with some of <em>their</em> customers. Every bartender, barista, store clerk, waiter, etc. has their favorite regulars, the folks they enjoy seeing on the regular. The fact that those people are customers doesn&rsquo;t change the fact that they like seeing them or talking with them or they aren&rsquo;t happy to see them come in.</p> <p>In fact, if you want to see what sex workers&nbsp;<em>actually</em> think about their clients&hellip; well, all you have to do is open Twitter. Sex workers of all stripes talk about their experiences, their customers and clients, their jobs, etc. with great candor. Getting to know them as&nbsp;<em>people</em> who do a job may well help change your mind about everything.</p> <p>Honestly, the shame and social stigma you&rsquo;re feeling is what&rsquo;s fucking with you, not that you did anything inherently bad or wrong. If you&nbsp;<em>really</em> want to adjust your perspective, you should do some research about sexual surrogates &mdash; sex workers who work with folks who have any number of medical or psychological issues surrounding sex. In many cases, sexual surrogates are the only form of sexual intimacy some folks may be able to achieve &mdash; especially when physical or emotional handicaps are involved.</p> <p>(The movie <em>The Sessions&nbsp;</em>with John Hawkes and Helen Hunt may be a great place for you to start. I also recommend reading &ldquo;On Seeing A Sex Surrogate&rdquo;, <a href="https://www.thesunmagazine.org/issues/174/on-seeing-a-sex-surrogate" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">the article that the movie was based on</a>.)</p> <p>But your third issue is assuming that this is the&nbsp;<em>only&nbsp;</em>sort of intimacy you may ever encounter. While I understand that you&rsquo;re feeling despair right now, that&rsquo;s simply&nbsp;<em>not true</em>. It&rsquo;s only how things&nbsp;<em>feel&nbsp;</em>right now, and as much as I hate how assholes use this phrase, it&rsquo;s apt: feels aren&rsquo;t reals. Things feel awful and unchanging because things are dark, chaotic and stressful right now. You&rsquo;ve got all of these feelings of shame and self-recrimination rocketing through your head right now and&nbsp;<em>all of them are bullshit</em>. You&rsquo;re allowed to have enjoyed your time with an escort,&nbsp;<em>and</em> to look forward to booking another session,&nbsp;<em>and</em> to want to connect with folks and have a relationship that isn&rsquo;t primarily commercial. You can, in fact, have both. The fact that you&rsquo;ve had these experiences with an escort doesn&rsquo;t cut you off from the possibility of love, sex and relationships in the future. In fact, these experiences could well be part of what help push you to work on yourself. Not in the sense of &ldquo;well, I need to get better so I never do this again,&rdquo; but in the sense of &ldquo;Wow, this opened up my eyes to what&rsquo;s out there and I would love to see more of it.&rdquo;</p> <p>Because, straight talk, my dude: losing your virginity isn&rsquo;t going to transform you or change you, no matter&nbsp;<em>how</em> you do it. Going to an escort may guarantee you a more focused and giving experience than you might find otherwise, but it&rsquo;s not going to handicap you or cut you off from society. The people who think that you&rsquo;re somehow shady, shameful or wrong for having done so &mdash; assuming you decide you share this with them,&nbsp;<em>which you don&rsquo;t have to</em> &mdash; are just folks who are self-selecting out of your pool of friends and lovers and good-goddamn-riddance.</p> <p>By that same token, losing your virginity in the context of a casual hook-up &mdash; or even a commited, romantic relationship &mdash; doesn&rsquo;t mean that you&rsquo;re going to have some transformation sequence where you suddenly become the person you believe you&rsquo;re &ldquo;supposed&rdquo; to be. Your first time is going to be an experience that you&rsquo;ve had&hellip; that&rsquo;s it. Everything that comes afterwards, whether positive or negative, is going to be about what <em>you</em> decide comes from it. You may feel like it was a magical experience. You may finish and think &ldquo;wait, that was it?&rdquo; But it will only be a&nbsp;<em>step</em> on your journey, not the start, nor the end. That&rsquo;s all going to depend on&nbsp;<em>you</em> and what you decide to do next.</p> <p>But for right now? Fuck the shame and fuck the folks who&rsquo;d shame you for it&nbsp;<em>including yourself</em>. You are allowed to feel pleasure, to have enjoyed your time and to want more, even if you paid a professional for it. Everybody was consenting, everyone got what they wanted from this and everyone came away happy. That&rsquo;s the important part. And if you want to book another session with her &mdash; once the quarantine is lifted, obviously &mdash; and you can afford it, then go for it, king. And if you want to work on your personal development so that you don&rsquo;t&nbsp;<em>feel</em> like sex work is your only outlet? You can do that&nbsp;<em>too;&nbsp;</em>there are a ton of resources available on this site to help you with precisely that.</p> <p>But seriously: you didn&rsquo;t do anything wrong, or anything to feel ashamed of or guilty about.</p> <p>Anyone who is going to insist that you shouldn&rsquo;t or that you should feel guilty about it isn&rsquo;t concerned with you or the escort you visited; they just want you to follow <em>their</em> ideas about how to live your life. That&rsquo;s on them. Your life is your own. Do what&rsquo;s best for you.</p> <p>Good luck.</p> <p><!--more--><strong>Hi Doc,</strong></p> <p><strong>I&rsquo;m turning 30 soon, and my husband and I have been happily married for four years. We have no children by choice, but we do have some pets. We both work to pay the bills, though he makes a bit more than I do.</strong></p> <p><strong>My husband and I are best friends. We play games together, go to the movies and out to eat, joke and laugh, tease each other, etc. We&rsquo;ve even had people think we are friends but not realize we are actually married. Basically, despite being good in every other way, our relationship has no ounce of romance.</strong></p> <p><strong>My husband&rsquo;s normal routine is to come home from work, make himself some dinner (we follow separate diets so it&rsquo;s easier for each of us to make our own food), play video games for a few hours, and then go to bed. Sometimes I will play games with him or get him to watch a movie with me, but that&rsquo;s the only variation. Same thing on the weekends, just without going to work. We are intimate a couple of times a month when he feels &ldquo;in the mood&rdquo; (which isn&rsquo;t very often because he has a rather low libido. I have a higher one, but I&rsquo;ve learned to ignore it because it&rsquo;s embarrassing to be turned down by him if he&rsquo;s not in the mood).</strong></p> <p><strong>Generally, I&rsquo;m happy. But sometimes I go on social media or have a conversation with a friend, and she tells me how her husband brought her flowers for no reason, or how he planned a nice weekend getaway for just the two of them. And I find myself wishing I had a husband who did things like that (I know, I&rsquo;ve probably just seen one too many rom-coms). And I get a little sad. My husband and I truly are best friends. But sometimes I want us to be more than friends. Does that make sense?</strong></p> <p><strong>I have brought this up with my husband, but he just doesn&rsquo;t get it. I told him I wanted to feel his love a bit more. He said he shows his love by paying the rent. I told him I felt less like his wife and more like his roommate. He asked me if that was a bad thing. He also frequently says he is happy and he doesn&rsquo;t understand what I have a problem with.</strong></p> <p><strong>I don&rsquo;t get it. I have something that most women would covet. My husband is a kind, good man, and I never have to worry about him mistreating me or cheating on me. We have a great time together. And yet, sometimes I can&rsquo;t stop crying. I guess I feel like I could be best friends with anyone, but I can&rsquo;t be married to anyone. I want our relationship to feel more special, more like a marriage.</strong></p> <p><strong>I&rsquo;m not sure what I&rsquo;m asking for here. God knows I&rsquo;ve failed to make my husband understand thus far, so maybe I&rsquo;m just talking nonsense. Am I crazy? Am I asking too much?</strong></p> <p><strong>Too Needy For My Own Good</strong></p> <p>No, TNFMOG, you&rsquo;re not crazy. You&rsquo;re not talking nonsense, and you&rsquo;re not asking for too much. What you&rsquo;re asking for is for your husband to show you that he loves you, cares for you and respects you. Those are all things that should come standard in a relationship, and any model that doesn&rsquo;t should be returned to the lot immediately.</p> <p>You have two basic issues here that need to be resolved.</p> <p>The first is one of miscommunication. You may have heard the phrase <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-girlfriend-likes-me/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">&ldquo;love languages&rdquo; tossed around here</a> and other spaces. Without getting deep into the details, the idea of &ldquo;love languages&rdquo; are different ways people express and receive love or affection from the people in their lives. Some people, for example, express love and affection through physical touch &mdash; wanting to hug and be hugged, to cuddle and so forth. Others will express love through &ldquo;acts of service&rdquo; &mdash; doing things for the people they care about is part of how they show that they care. Other examples include &ldquo;quality time&rdquo;, &ldquo;gifts&rdquo; and a multitude of others.</p> <p>The problem that often arises is that sometimes we don&rsquo;t necessarily recognize the language our partner speaks, and they don&rsquo;t recognize the language that&nbsp;<em>we</em> speak. So for someone who expresses love through touch and physical contact, somebody who is physically stand-offish may seem cold and distant. But the way&nbsp;<em>they</em> express love is by providing for their loved-ones &mdash; whether that&rsquo;s through paying for their essentials, making sure their physical and emotional needs are met or simply doing things for them&hellip; and they may feel that someone who expresses love through touch to be clingy. Hence the dilemma; everyone&rsquo;s saying the same thing, but they&rsquo;re saying it in languages the other person doesn&rsquo;t understand. As a result: everyone is upset and tense because they feel like they&rsquo What Makes A Man Commit Forever https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/03/28/What-Makes-A-Man-Commit-Forever ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:45e29e28-5780-7f7f-ffef-8211d5321067 Sat, 28 Mar 2020 17:44:16 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/1DumSG4DZh0/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1DumSG4DZh0"/></div> I was watching netflix and... https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/03/27/I-was-watching-netflix-and ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:faafdcab-ad92-a709-642b-95ccc92644b1 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 17:34:02 +0000 I was watching the series Love is Blind on netflix today. Here is the description of the show: "Singles try to find a match and fall in love -- without ever seeing each other face-to-face, as emotional connection attempts to conquer physical attraction." One of the guys, 27 years old tells a woman something to the affect, "when we get married we will ...." However, the love coach in me, was thinking. This guy is full of shit. He has said that to three women, he just says what he thinks women<img src="http://static.wixstatic.com/media/bc1981_b132f66976da4918b6e7b67ffdb068bb%7Emv2.jpeg"/> <div><img src="http://static.wixstatic.com/media/bc1981_b132f66976da4918b6e7b67ffdb068bb~mv2.jpeg"/><div>I was watching the series Love is Blind on netflix today. Here is the description of the show: &quot;Singles try to find a match and fall in love -- without ever seeing each other face-to-face, as emotional connection attempts to conquer physical attraction.&quot; One of the guys, 27 years old tells a woman something to the affect, &quot;when we get married we will ....&quot; However, the love coach in me, was thinking. This guy is full of shit. He has said that to three women, he just says what he thinks women want to hear. Fast forward, THE NEXT EVENING she asks him, &quot;Do you still feel the same way about me?&quot; He said, &quot;I don't know.&quot; She was obviously upset because she thought they were going to get married and stormed out of the room. (Rightfully so!) The reason I thought he was full of shit was because I could tell he didn't know who he was. Assuming he didn't know who he was, how could he possibly have picked a woman? So this guy, at this point was dating three women. My first initial reaction was, this guy is a clown and a dick. I wish he would be honest with these women. But then I thought a little deeper. He is being honest. He doesn't know what he wants. It is because he never got to know himself. He never forced himself to be vulnerable with any of these women to see what happens. He didn't know if they would accept him. He didn't know if by showing himself &quot;emotionally naked&quot; they would grow closer together or if his deepest secrets and stories would show they have different values. So when it came for him to figure out, is this the person for me? He said, &quot;I don't know.&quot; And guess what, that was authentic. Although great television, this is an example of a man that shouldn't be dating seriously at the moment. Let alone on a show where couples are expected to get married. This guy needs to go figure out who he is. Why do I understand this man so well? I was this man. Maybe, I still am this man. But, unlike this television character. I am vividly aware of this shortcoming. For awhile now, I've been on a journey to experience, to share, and to explore. So when I encounter my next possible life partner I can be 100% sure that she is it for me. Because, I am showing her my 100% authentic self. No shell, no protective shield, and most importantly not a confused boy, but a man that has done a lot of self work. I will show up in authenticity with massive strength to be wildly comfortable sharing vulnerably when needed. And, realizing if someone one accepts my flaws, wants, desires, then awesome we shall continue and if the person can't handle me or we are too different than we will be happy to part ways. Why did I tell you this? I am not really sure. I just felt like sharing and thought maybe this would be entertaining. Would you mind if I share more? I asked a woman to marry me. At the time, I meant it with all my heart. But, maybe I didn't know who I was then. Maybe, that was just part of my journey. Did we get married. No. Did I break her heart and hurt a lot of people. Yes.</div><div> Am I an asshole? In some circles, maybe. Did I hurt people on purpose? 100% no.</div><div> I don't believe in breakups. I believe in relationship graduations. When you graduate a relationship, you get a &quot;diploma&quot; showing you spent x amount of years to learn a lot of things. Well, I graduated. And you know what: Every day, I am going to keep graduating. Because, I am never going to stop learning. I am never going to stop becoming a better man. Why? Because, in the past I've stood still, I've learned nothing. For me that is a waste of my life, a waste of my abilities. So I am going to keep learning. I am going to keep sharing what I learn. THANK YOU for allowing me to share my experiences. Thank you for allowing me to explore myself with an audience. Every time, I write one of these emails it forces me to think critically about how I am really feeling. It is one thing to think something. It is an entirely another thing to vomit those thoughts onto a page in a somewhat cohesive way that makes some sort of sense. So thank you, for allowing me to vomit. Listen, I am not sure where you are at right now. Are you freaking out about Corona? I hope not. Focus on the things you can control. (Hand washing, social distancing, and CONTINUING TO MOVE TOWARDS YOUR GOALS!) No wasting energy on something that we can't control. I promise you, we will get past this. There will be some bumps, but we will move on triumphantly like a bunch of bad ass super heroes because that is what we do. But until then, honor your feelings, spend your time wisely. AND Come talk to me if you want a teammate in finding love. I am not letting this stop me. Don't let this stop you. Together we can do whatever we want! Including finding an amazing partner. Book an introductory session <a href="http://www.ezdatingcoach.com/schedule-a-strategy-session">here</a> if you want to talk about paid coaching with me. Otherwise and either way I love you, Mike P.S. - It felt kind of weird plugging my business at the bottom of this email. Why am I feeling ashamed to ask people if they want help? I think it is because writing these emails actually helps me. And then, getting clients, helps me. I just feel weird asking for HELP for me. (I prefer to provide than ask for). But, maybe it is okay IF my emails help YOU, and IF my clients get helped. Maybe all these things can be win/win for everyone involved? Hmmmm...I feel a bit better. How about you? P.P.S - Facetime, skype, and Zoom dates are still 100% a GO!!!!!!!!! Who's going to be the first to fall in love virtually? Anyone competitive? Challenge accepted? P.P. P. S. I love me. And I love you. (Have the best day of your life, TODAY!)</div></div> Am I A Bad Person For Believing That An Abuser Can Change? https://www.doctornerdlove.com/am-i-a-bad-person-for-believing-that-an-abuser-can-change/ Paging Dr. NerdLove urn:uuid:324e32e9-7ef4-1403-7150-ade081f83338 Fri, 27 Mar 2020 13:30:45 +0000 <p>Dear Dr. NerdLove: When I was 14 or 15, one of my friends at the time told me in passing that her boyfriend had been forceful recently in their physical relationship. At the time, I didn&#8217;t fully understand what she was saying but I could tell she was upset so I tried to comfort her [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/am-i-a-bad-person-for-believing-that-an-abuser-can-change/">Am I A Bad Person For Believing That An Abuser Can Change?</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com">Paging Dr. NerdLove</a>.</p> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40/loose.dtd"> <html><body><p><strong>Dear Dr. NerdLove:</strong></p> <p><strong>When I was 14 or 15, one of my friends at the time told me in passing that her boyfriend had been forceful recently in their physical relationship. At the time, I didn&rsquo;t fully understand what she was saying but I could tell she was upset so I tried to comfort her the best I could and we moved on from that conversation. A year later, they broke up and I gradually started becoming friends with this ex. In 12th grade, when there were whispers of what she had told me earlier, I am ashamed to say that I didn&rsquo;t speak up. I remained &ldquo;neutral&rdquo;, a very harmful attitude to take, and in doing so I know I hurt her immensely. The other people she had told also didn&rsquo;t speak up and I can&rsquo;t even imagine how hard that must have been for her. He was dating someone else at that point. Their relationship also ended once school did but I never really inquired as to what went down there.</strong></p> <p><strong>College started and I became much, much closer to him. We established a friends with benefits situation which slowly turned into a proper relationship. He was good to me. Always respectful, always a good person. I&rsquo;m not saying this to negate what he did to others, but just to point out how stark the difference was between who he was with me and with them. I know that&rsquo;s also typical of a lot of abusers.</strong></p> <p><strong>Earlier this year, his second ex reached out to me. She told me that he had been emotionally manipulative and verbally abusive in their relationship. The things she told me were so terrible that I didn&rsquo;t know what to say or do. We had just started dating at this point, she told me she was telling me also because she didn&rsquo;t want him to do the same to me. I thanked her for telling me, and after a lot of deliberation I took the decision to distance myself from him gradually. I also spoke to my friend and apologised for my silence regarding her abuse at the time.</strong></p> <p><strong>Very recently, his actions in the past have been brought to light on a public platform. He is obviously facing a lot of backlash from people in school for these actions and a lot of people have chosen to cut him out of their lives. From the scattered interactions I&rsquo;ve had with him since his ex reached out to me, I know he&rsquo;s been going to therapy more regularly. He&rsquo;s also apologised to both of them, and obviously they haven&rsquo;t accepted his apology nor are they under any obligation to. He has never tried to deny, justify or argue against what he&rsquo;s done. He has unconditionally accepted that he has caused a lot of trauma to these people and he has told me and other people that he is fully ready to face the consequences of his actions.</strong></p> <p><strong>I feel like I made the right decision by distancing myself for the time being but I&rsquo;m still confused about what I need to do in the future. I believe that this is an experience he needs to get through on his own. If he doesn&rsquo;t have people around him to prove to that he is a changed person, and yet he still changes, I truly believe that that won&rsquo;t be a superficial change because it requires a lot of courage to keep on living and working on yourself when nobody else thinks you deserve anything. His friends don&rsquo;t have a responsibility to make sure that he&rsquo;s changed, nor do they have to hold his hand through the process.</strong></p> <p><strong>As someone who knows him better than anyone else, I have faith that firstly, he truly wants to change and that secondly, he is taking steps to do so. None of that can ever change the hurt and trauma that he caused, nothing can at this point, but the step towards accountability and responsibility is not one that many people take in the first place. That in itself, coupled with the fact that this step is accompanied by concrete actions of therapy, possibility of enrolment in abuser programs, unconditional apologies, makes me think that though the process will be long and difficult for him, he will come out of it better.</strong></p> <p><strong>If he does, then is it okay for me at that point to be his friend? To say that I have seen the change in you and I believe you are worth my friendship, possibly my love? Does it make me a bad person and does it serve as dismissing the trauma of the victims? Am I a bad friend for saying that I believe he will change but not being there for him?</strong></p> <p><strong>Very Confused and Guilty</strong></p> <p><span id="more-15571"></span></p> <p>These sort of questions are always difficult, VCaG.</p> <p>On the one hand, I&rsquo;m a general believer that people can change and improve. I believe that folks can fuck up, own their fuck-ups and try to make things better, and I believe that there needs to be space for folks to actually do better.</p> <p>On the other hand, folks&nbsp;<em>love</em> a redemption story and abusers know this.&nbsp;<a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/be-a-better-man/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">I can&rsquo;t count the number of times that abusers and monsters have made a production of &ldquo;Oh look, I&rsquo;ve changed!&rdquo;</a> &mdash; especially as a way of returning to the public eye. Writer and professor <a href="https://www.lamag.com/longform/the-hugo-problem/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Hugo Schwyzer was an almost archetypal example of this</a>, using his supposed redemption both as a way of finding future victims&nbsp;<em>and</em> as a shield against new accusers. So there&rsquo;s every reason to give take declarations of &ldquo;but I&rsquo;m different now!&rdquo; with deep suspicion and a LOT of salt.</p> <p>On the other&nbsp;<em>other</em> hand (yes, I have three hands) apparently this happened in&nbsp;<em>high-school</em>. And while that doesn&rsquo;t preclude someone from being an abuser or a monster &mdash; all you have to do is <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/enthusiastic-consent/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">look at Stubenville for proof of that</a> &mdash; but high-schoolers&nbsp;<em>also&nbsp;</em>tend to be hormone-soaked bundles of frenzied confusion who&rsquo;re often freaking out in multiple directions at once. It&rsquo;s entirely possible for people to act badly without realizing that what they&rsquo;re doing is harmful or abuse. Sometimes people are so caught up in their teenaged angst bullshit that they don&rsquo;t realize the damage they&rsquo;re doing to the people around them.</p> <p>But the fact that they don&rsquo;t&nbsp;<em>know</em> they&rsquo;re doing harm, or don&rsquo;t intend to, doesn&rsquo;t&nbsp;change the fact that&nbsp;<em>they still hurt people</em>. As has been said in many places, many times: <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-how-do-i-stop-being-the-toxic-friend/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">intent isn&rsquo;t magic.</a></p> <p>(And that&rsquo;s before we get into issues like the high-school rumor mill, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjMPJVmXxV8" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">people adopting the language of social justice as a means of abusing others</a> and <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/her-friend-accused-of-sexual-assault/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">all&nbsp;<em>kinds</em> of murky crap</a>)</p> <p>So my position in general is &ldquo;&hellip;maybe. With many caveats.&rdquo;</p> <p>I would have a lot of&nbsp;very pointed questions that would need <em>very</em> convincing answers before I&rsquo;d be willing to come down on one side or another. The first is very simple: does he understand&nbsp;<em>what</em> he did? Does he accept &mdash; without conditions or qualifiers &mdash;&nbsp; that his behavior hurt people? And as a follow-up: does he understand&nbsp;<em>why</em> his actions hurt people?</p> <p>One of the first steps to change and growth is to understand how they&rsquo;ve wronged others and why other people were hurt by what they did. Understanding the pain of others is the first step to empathy.</p> <p>Next: does he accept responsibility for his actions &mdash; again, without conditions or qualifiers? Does he&nbsp;<em>own</em> his behavior without trying to explain why he&rsquo;s not at fault or why he shouldn&rsquo;t be&nbsp;<em>fully</em> culpable? Does he understand&nbsp;<em>why</em> he did what he did?</p> <p>This is another important step; taking ownership of one&rsquo;s behavior is crucial. It speaks both to their mindset: are they sincere, or are they trying to get out of trouble? However, it&rsquo;s also potentially tricky. &ldquo;I did X because I got drunk and didn&rsquo;t recognize Y&rdquo; and &ldquo;I did X because I got drunk&rdquo; sound similar, but are incredibly different. In the former, they&rsquo;re demonstrating an understanding of how one mistake (getting drunk) lead to their behavior (&hellip;and so I did X). In the latter, it comes much closer to &ldquo;you can&rsquo;t blame me because I was drunk and that wasn&rsquo;t who I&nbsp;<em>really&nbsp;</em>am&rdquo;.</p> <p>Next: if they understand what they did wrong and why they did it, what steps are they taking to avoid doing those things again? How are they proposing to be held accountable in the future?</p> <p>And finally: what have they done to try to try to make things right? This may or may not involve a direct apology to the people they&rsquo;ve harmed; <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/find-redemption/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">sometimes trying to make amends <em>actually causes more harm</em> to the person who&rsquo;d already been harmed by their actions.</a> And &mdash; importantly &mdash; in trying to make things right, is he doing so humbly or in a manner that demands acknowledgment? Is he making a production of how sorry he is a way that pressures his victims to forgive him? Is he performatively penitent in a way that glorifies himself to others?</p> <p>Even with satisfactory answers to these questions, I&rsquo;d still proceed with caution. As I said: plenty of folks can put on the show of contrition, especially if it brings them back from the wilderness. Take it slowly and pay more attention to his deeds, not his words. Those will tell you far more about who he actually is and whether he&rsquo;s actually changed for the better.</p> <p>Good luck.</p> <hr><p><strong>Dear Dr. NerdLove:</strong></p> <p><strong>First of all, let me say thank you for being out there for people like me that is searching for some insight or some type of answer to a current predicament. I found your site in one of the many nights that I was searching for answers or suggestions to a similar situations.</strong></p> <p><strong>Here&rsquo;s where I stand:</strong></p> <p><strong>My husband and I met about 4 years ago and we moved in together (married) about 8 months ago. We are 12 years apart and he&rsquo;s older. I have a 24 year old son that lives with his wife and my husband doesn&rsquo;t have kids.</strong></p> <p><strong>Our sex wasn&rsquo;t often but it was great up until we moved in together. Then came up all the different work schedules, routines, and learning to live with each other, so sex/intimacy started to suffer. I&rsquo;m sure is normal for some, yet I feel for us is more than that.</strong></p> <p><strong>For once, I would like to have sex more than just on a Friday night after a drink. How about when I&rsquo;m horny on a Tuesday or a Sunday morning? I feel like our sex is only on his schedule and it does not matter what I would want or what I have to say about it. We used to have sex only once a week (his request) and now is nothing. I have a higher sex drive than him or so I think.</strong></p> <p><strong>I&rsquo;ve noticed he&rsquo;s less interested in touching me or initiating and he rather spend his time in front of his computer. We have had conversations about our sex life. How I feel is lacking in our relationship and he seems to understand, yet things go back to nothing after a few days.</strong></p> <p><strong>My concern now is lately he&rsquo;s been into a youtube channel where porn stars are being interviewed and then he goes on searching the particular ladies, example L.Ann, K.Rx, etc. I also know that he goes into &ldquo;live cam&rdquo; sites to watch younger ladies masturbate. Does he pays for those? Who knows and I hope not, because I asked him and he said he wasn&rsquo;t into that. Sure! (Note: Our computer is in the open for both of us to use, not in a separate room)</strong></p> <p><strong>Another issue is his lack of respect to me when it comes to staring (very obvious) at other women when we go out (every Friday), to the point that I had to tell him to please stop. He&rsquo;s gotten better, but is still happening and it makes me feel so inferior. How could you disrespect the woman YOU are taking out, why don&rsquo;t you go out by yourself then. I&rsquo;m a very good looking lady, who likes to dress up when we go out, and I love to have fun with others. I look younger than my age, yet he can take all that away by gawking at another lady&rsquo;s ass.</strong></p> <p><strong>In top of all that, I had to have an emergency hysterectomy in Dec. due to cancerous cells ( I see a therapist to help me deal with this major change). We were both okay with that since we were not interested in children (1 is enough lol). I know that penetration was out of the table for some time, but intimacy is more than just intercourse and I crave that close relationship with him. Why not play with each other until we both orgasm ( oh! wait, maybe because it feels like he doesn&rsquo;t want to take the time for me, however I have to finish him off) The last time we had &ldquo;intimacy&rdquo; was a hand job, because he didn&rsquo;t even want me to give him a blowjob, really!? I&rsquo;ve been cleared to have sex again for weeks and he knows, however he seems like he could go on without it. How sad!!!</strong></p> <p><strong>He has not stop making future plans for us like trips, dinners, theater shows, etc. I know he loves me, but maybe like some say he is no longer &ldquo;in love&rdquo; with me or maybe he just cares for me enough to keep me around just for looks (you know an older man alone again). We&rsquo;ve only been married 8 months!!</strong></p> <p><strong>Wow! sorry for the long note, but despite my looks, loving him so much and desiring him as a man, I get this lonely feeling sometimes like I&rsquo;m alone in this marriage. I do all the outside things either on my own or with my friends. I have no problems being independent, nevertheless my time with him seem to be declining. Now what?</strong></p> <p><strong>Has he become a porn addict or already is? I did asked him if porn was a problem in our relationship and he straight up told me &ldquo;NO&rdquo;. Is he no longer physically attracted to me to sexually satisfy me? Is it ED? and he&rsquo;s afraid to talk about it with me? Clearly talking isn&rsquo;t doing it, how many times can one tell a partner that we should have more intimacy and sex. I know so many questions!</strong></p> <p><strong>I wish he could understand how much he&rsquo;s hurting me by choosing to masturbate to porn instead of having it with me (I do not mean all the time), I understand we both need our &ldquo;alone&rsquo; time for that too. I deeply love him and miss the warm of his body closed to mine when we connect with intimacy and sex.</strong></p> <p><strong>Sincerely,</strong></p> <p><strong>Lonely Wife</strong></p> <p>Sometimes I&rsquo;ll get letters from folks where it&rsquo;s obvious from the jump what the issue is. Other times, I&rsquo;ll get one where the problem doesn&rsquo;t reveal itself until a particular detail makes things abundantly clear.</p> <p>And then I&rsquo;ll get letters like yours LW, where every couple of paragraphs, the circumstances continue to degrade and the apparent underlying cause&nbsp;<em>also</em> changes&hellip; right up until the end, where it becomes clear that it doesn&rsquo;t matter&nbsp;<em>what</em> the problem is because the solution is painfully obvious.</p> <p>It seems pretty clear that moving in together was the trigger. This, in and of itself, isn&rsquo;t terribly surprising or unusual. There&rsquo;re a number of couples where <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXBv8--LEuo" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">the single biggest cause of strife in their lives is the fact that they live together.</a> Take cohabitation out of the mix, and they&rsquo;d be a scorching hot couple, but living together robs their relationship of vitality.</p> <p>But the trigger ain&rsquo;t the problem, it&rsquo;s just the inciting incident. Whether this brought issues to the surface that had always been there or accelerated things until they couldn&rsquo;t be ignored any longer is, at this point, academic. The problem is that your husband doesn&rsquo;t want to have sex with&nbsp;<em>you</em>. It&rsquo;s pretty clear he still has a sex drive and is almost certainly still jerking off; folks don&rsquo;t watch cam shows for the riveting plots or amazing cinematography. But the fact that he&rsquo;s uninterested in orgasms&nbsp;from&nbsp;<em>you</em> &mdash; to the point that the only sexual intimacy he&rsquo;ll accept is a hand-job &mdash; is as clear of an indicator of where his head&rsquo;s at.</p> <p>One question that needs to be answered is &ldquo;why&rdquo;? Is it a case that he&rsquo;s been bored and that boredom has become disinterest? Is it that the domesticity of your relationship robbed it of the thrill he was getting off to?&nbsp; Did the stress of trying to adjust to living together throw him off his groove? Or &mdash; as I suspect is the case &mdash; is it that he&rsquo;s just not attracted to you any more?</p> <p>Now I want to be abundantly clear: the fact that he doesn&rsquo;t seem to be attracted to you DOES NOT mean that you&rsquo;ve done something wrong or that this is in any way your fault. He may be someone who needs novelty and new stimuilation to maintain interest. It could be that this is his pattern in relationships and this happens&nbsp;<em>every</em><em> time.&nbsp;</em>Or it could be that his attraction simply faded on it&rsquo;s own, through no fault of yours or his.</p> <p>And while the lack of sex doesn&rsquo;t necessarily mean the end of the relationship &mdash; there&rsquo;re plenty of folks in companionate marriages, whose connection is about things other than sex &mdash; it&rsquo;s pretty clear that your relationship has reached its end. To start with: you&rsquo;re clearly hurt by the lack of intimacy in your relationship. That&rsquo;s entirely understandable; it&rsquo;s not unreasonable to want sex with your husband or to crave intimacy with them.</p> <p>The bigger problem, however, is the seeming contempt that your husband is displaying. While it&rsquo;s certainly possible that he still loves and cares for you, he sure as <em>fuckery</em> doesn&rsquo;t seem to <em>respect</em> you. Openly browsing porn sites&nbsp;<em>while</em> also neglecting you sexually, ogling women in front of you, keeping sexual contact to just masturbation with no interest in reciprocating&hellip; none of that is good. None of that is a sign that they have concern for your feelings, nevermind your desires. That sort of behavior is the sort of thing that curdles even the strongest of relationships.</p> <p>If I&rsquo;m perfectly honest&hellip; well, I don&rsquo;t know if there&rsquo;s much to be salvaged here. I think that if you want to make a Hail Mary pass at trying to fix things, then you need to sit him down and have <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-have-that-awkward-conversation/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">a&nbsp;<em>very</em> Awkward Conversation</a> with him about&nbsp;<em>all</em> of this. You need to lay out <em>everything:&nbsp;</em>the way you&rsquo;ve been feeling neglected, the way his behavior makes you feel, the fact that sex has been not just routine but almost robotic. Be&nbsp;<em>incredibly </em>clear about all of this, so that there&rsquo;s no room for misunderstanding. After you&rsquo;re done, let him share his side of things.</p> <p>Following that, I&rsquo;d suggest finding a sex-positive marriage counselor to try to hash things out.</p> <p>But to be frank: I don&rsquo;t know if that&rsquo;s going to help things. It sounds like he&rsquo;s already checked out; he may not be interested in divorcing, but he sure doesn&rsquo;t seem to be interested in participating in a significant part of the relationship. If that&rsquo;s the case&hellip; well, the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to love&nbsp;<em>yourself</em> enough to know that you deserve better than this. You deserve someone who actually respects you and cares for your feelings and satisfaction. And if that&rsquo;s not your husband&hellip; well, then he shouldn&rsquo;t be your husband any longer.</p> <p>Good luck.</p> <div class="wp_rp_wrap wp_rp_vertical_m" id="wp_rp_first"><div class="wp_rp_content"><h3 class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post wp_rp"><li data-position="0" data-poid="in-4930" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-trust-an-abuser/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/AskDrNerdLove-150x150.jpg" alt="Ask Dr. NerdLove: Can I Ever Trust A Former Abuser?" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-trust-an-abuser/" class="wp_rp_title">Ask Dr. NerdLove: Can I Ever Trust A Former Abu DR. NERDLOVE LIVE: Managing Your Emotional Health During COVID-19 https://www.doctornerdlove.com/dr-nerdlove-live-managing-your-emotional-health-during-covid-19/ Paging Dr. NerdLove urn:uuid:1d0b1b9f-ec62-9aed-519d-61998cd79fba Wed, 25 Mar 2020 14:00:56 +0000 <p>How do you manage anxiety in the middle of a pandemic? How is living under quarantine affecting you? In my first LIVE teleseminar, I talk about how to manage stress and maintain your emotional health during the COVID-19 pandemic. Want to take part? The next seminar is on 3/31 at 3 PM CST. Join me [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/dr-nerdlove-live-managing-your-emotional-health-during-covid-19/">DR. NERDLOVE LIVE: Managing Your Emotional Health During COVID-19</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com">Paging Dr. NerdLove</a>.</p> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40/loose.dtd"> <html><body><p>How do you manage anxiety in the middle of a pandemic? How is living under quarantine affecting you? In my first LIVE teleseminar, I talk about how to manage stress and maintain your emotional health during the COVID-19 pandemic.</p> <p>Want to take part? The next seminar is on 3/31 at 3 PM CST. Join me at the <a href="http://facebook.com/DrNerdLove" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Dr. NerdLove Facebook Page</a> and be sure to join <a href="http://facebook.com/groups/DrNerdLove" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">the NerdLove Academy group</a>!</p> <p>DOCTOR&rsquo;S NOTE: So since I did this over Facebook Live, there&rsquo;s a little funkiness with the audio. I&rsquo;ve done my best to clean it up but some of it is baked into the episode itself. Sorry &rsquo;bout that, we&rsquo;re seeing what can be done for next time.</p> <div class="wp_rp_wrap wp_rp_vertical_m" id="wp_rp_first"><div class="wp_rp_content"><h3 class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post wp_rp"><li data-position="0" data-poid="in-2944" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/dating-mind-control/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/iStock_000004843518XSmall-150x150.jpg" alt="Better Dating Through Mind Control" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/dating-mind-control/" class="wp_rp_title">Better Dating Through Mind Control</a></li><li data-position="1" data-poid="in-4777" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/find-true-confidence/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/shutterstock_169789697-150x150.jpg" alt="Finding True Confidence" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/find-true-confidence/" class="wp_rp_title">Finding True Confidence</a></li><li data-position="2" data-poid="in-15564" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-do-you-recover-from-a-break-up-during-the-covid-19-crisis/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/how-do-you-get-over-a-break-up-when-youre-uinder-quarantine_-1-150x150.png" alt="How Do You Recover From A Break Up During The COVID-19 Crisis?" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-do-you-recover-from-a-break-up-during-the-covid-19-crisis/" class="wp_rp_title">How Do You Recover From A Break Up During The COVID-19 Crisis?</a></li><li data-position="3" data-poid="in-11384" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/episode-96-this-is-why-you-fail/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Untitled-design-1-150x150.png" alt="Episode #96 &ndash; This Is Why You Fail" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/episode-96-this-is-why-you-fail/" class="wp_rp_title">Episode #96 &ndash; This Is Why You Fail</a></li><li data-position="4" data-poid="in-11562" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/105-is-masculinity-a-mental-illness/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Is-masculinity-a-mental-illness_-150x150.png" alt="#105 &ndash; Is Masculinity A Mental Illness?" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/105-is-masculinity-a-mental-illness/" class="wp_rp_title">#105 &ndash; Is Masculinity A Mental Illness?</a></li><li data-position="5" data-poid="in-15522" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/episode-134-you-are-your-own-worst-enemy/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Modern-Art-Minimal-YouTube-Thumbnail-150x150.png" alt="Episode #134 &mdash; You Are Your Own Worst Enemy" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/episode-134-you-are-your-own-worst-enemy/" class="wp_rp_title">Episode #134 &mdash; You Are Your Own Worst Enemy</a></li></ul></div></div></body></html> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/dr-nerdlove-live-managing-your-emotional-health-during-covid-19/">DR. NERDLOVE LIVE: Managing Your Emotional Health During COVID-19</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com">Paging Dr. NerdLove</a>.</p> <div class="feedflare"> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?a=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:yIl2AUoC8zA"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?d=yIl2AUoC8zA" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?a=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:V_sGLiPBpWU"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?i=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:V_sGLiPBpWU" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?a=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:qj6IDK7rITs"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?d=qj6IDK7rITs" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?a=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:gIN9vFwOqvQ"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?i=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:gIN9vFwOqvQ" border="0"></img></a> <a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?a=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:-BTjWOF_DHI"><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~ff/PagingDrNerdlove?i=ScsP3NyAQLk:XkmKFk2G7Tg:-BTjWOF_DHI" border="0"></img></a> </div><img src="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/PagingDrNerdlove/~4/ScsP3NyAQLk" height="1" width="1" alt=""/> How Do You Recover From A Break Up During The COVID-19 Crisis? https://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-do-you-recover-from-a-break-up-during-the-covid-19-crisis/ Paging Dr. NerdLove urn:uuid:9e9106f7-b981-255f-b108-c5c1e54aed58 Mon, 23 Mar 2020 13:30:45 +0000 <p>Doctor&#8217;s Note: This week, I&#8217;ll be having a live seminar and Q&#38;A on Facebook Live instead of the usual podcast and YouTube episode. If you&#8217;re interested in taking part, follow me on Facebook and join the NerdLove Academy Facebook Group; the stream will start at 3 PM CST on Tuesday, March 24th. Good morning Doc, [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-do-you-recover-from-a-break-up-during-the-covid-19-crisis/">How Do You Recover From A Break Up During The COVID-19 Crisis?</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com">Paging Dr. NerdLove</a>.</p> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40/loose.dtd"> <html><body><p><em>Doctor&rsquo;s Note: This week, I&rsquo;ll be having a live seminar and Q&amp;A on Facebook Live instead of the usual podcast and YouTube episode. If you&rsquo;re interested in taking part, <a href="http://facebook.com/DrNerdLove" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">follow me on Facebook</a> and <a href="http://facebook.com/groups/DrNerdLove" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">join the NerdLove Academy Facebook Group</a>; the stream will start at 3 PM CST on Tuesday, March 24th.</em></p> <p><strong>Good morning Doc,</strong></p> <p><strong>I wanted to know what you thought and would advise regarding how to recover from a break up during this COVID-19 pandemic (or other scenarios where you&rsquo;re not able to go out and meet new people). A few day ago I had to cut things with a girl I was seeing since November. I didn&rsquo;t want to, but there was a lack of effort to communicate and I was putting in all the effort. After having it met with the equivalent of banging one&rsquo;s head against the wall, I was left with no choice but to do what&rsquo;s best for me. As productive as that sounds it&rsquo;s still hard because as of now we&rsquo;re in a curfew state with business and activity areas to meet new people are shutdown so now I&rsquo;m stuck missing what I lost but don&rsquo;t have a way to get past it. Yes I&rsquo;m working on myself with studying more, picking up guitar again, and practicing new art skills but being solo doesn&rsquo;t take my head off it.</strong></p> <p><strong>I know there&rsquo;s probably a video you have on the breakup and there&rsquo;s a video on what you can do during the pandemic but I wondered if there was a new type of thought process for when it&rsquo;s both out together.</strong></p> <p><strong>Thanks for listening and having an awesome channel and podcast,</strong></p> <p><strong>Life Under&nbsp;</strong><b>Quarantine</b></p> <p><span id="more-15564"></span>I do, in fact, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_-O7M3XkZU" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">have a video about getting over your break up over on my YouTube channel</a>, LUQ and I think it would be helpful for you to watch it. It&rsquo;ll explain a little about what&rsquo;s going on and why you&rsquo;re having a difficult time getting your mind off of your ex.</p> <p>Part of the reason why people &mdash; guys, especially &mdash; have a hard time getting over break ups is because love isn&rsquo;t just emotional; it&rsquo;s also chemical. When we&rsquo;re with our partner, our brains are generating large amounts of dopamine and oxytocin &mdash; the &ldquo;cuddle&rdquo; chemical that encourages things like social bonding, sexual arousal and romantic connections. Those chemicals hit the pleasure centers of your brain just so and make you crave more. This is part of why, for example, we want to spend all of our time with a new partner; we are,&nbsp;<em>literally</em>, addicted to them because we&rsquo;re getting huge doses of feel-good brain drugs.</p> <p>When we break up with someone, we&rsquo;re suddenly cut off from that source, and our brains want it back&hellip; badly. This is why it can often be so hard to stop thinking about our exes or <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/is-it-a-good-time-to-get-back-with-my-ex/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">wanting them back</a>,&nbsp;even if we know that <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/relationship-toxic/all/1/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">the relationship was toxic</a> or that there were very good reasons <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/5-signs-your-relationship-is-over/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">why the relationship had to end.</a></p> <p>This is why part of the key to getting over someone is to find a&nbsp;<em>new</em> source or sources of oxytocin. This is part of why we have the old saw of <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-get-over-crush/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">&ldquo;get over someone by getting under someone else&rdquo;</a>; since oxytocin is most readily generated through sex and physical touch, sex with someone new is a quick and easy way to find new sources of oxytocin, as well as validation that yes other people desire you and that there&nbsp;<em>are</em> other people out there.</p> <p>Of course, sex isn&rsquo;t the&nbsp;<em>only</em> way of finding new sources of oxytocin, it&rsquo;s simply the most socially acceptable for guys. Part of the reason why women often have an easier time getting over an ex then men do is because men as a gender are&nbsp;<em>incredibly</em> touch-deprived. It&rsquo;s socially acceptable for women to seek reassurance &mdash; including physical contact, like hugging &mdash; from their friends in times of need. Men are cut off from that source of reassurance because we equate physical contact with&nbsp;<em>sexual</em> contact, just as we associate emotional intimacy with sexual intimacy. It&rsquo;s a classic case of<a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/reclaiming-manhood-detoxifying-toxic-masculinity/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> toxic masculinity ruining the party</a> once again.</p> <p>But there&nbsp;<em>are</em> ways around this and getting the need for physical touch met, even without sexual contact. Massage, for example, is a great way to soothe the body, ease the cortisol that comes from emotional stress&nbsp;<em>and</em> gain a source of oxytocin by having one&rsquo;s touch needs met. So too are various forms of social dancing, particularly Latin and ballroom dancing.</p> <p>However, we&rsquo;re all also under quarantine thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic&hellip; which has made it difficult to access those forms of physical contact and the associated generation of oxytocin.</p> <p>But &ldquo;difficult&rdquo; isn&rsquo;t the same as &ldquo;impossible&rdquo;.</p> <p>The key is that you need to start getting creative and working with the tools that you have available to you.</p> <p>Start by connecting with your friends. While physical touch and sex are the most obvious sources for oxytocin, we&nbsp;<em>also</em> generate oxytocin through laughter and conversation. Reaching out to your friends, having virtual hang-outs and happy-hours not only helps you feel less alone, but also encourages sharing, socializing and laughter &mdash; all of which help generate oxytocin in the brain. Get your buddies together and use an extension like NetflixParty, TwoSeven or apps like Zoom to watch movies &mdash; especially dumb action flicks or your favorite comedies.</p> <p>And while you may not be able to touch another&nbsp;<em>person</em> right now, that doesn&rsquo;t mean you can&rsquo;t find other sources of touch and comfort. If you have the space, the finances and your lease allows it, now is a great time to foster a cat or dog. The shelters in your area need to find foster homes during the shut-down, especially if your state or city has a shelter-in-place order. Having a new furry friend in your life not only gives you company and cuddles, it&nbsp;<em>also&nbsp;</em>gives you purpose, direction&nbsp;<em>and</em> allows you to do some much-needed good for others. Not only will this help distract you from missing your ex, it&rsquo;ll give you something concrete that you can point to and say &ldquo;by doing this, I&rsquo;m doing something to make the world a little better.&rdquo;</p> <p>And you should also date.</p> <p>Yes, I know. We&rsquo;re all under lockdown. But you may have noticed that the&nbsp;<em>dating apps&nbsp;</em>aren&rsquo;t shut down. People are still talking, swiping and matching. Since you can&rsquo;t be with each other physically right now, talking, Skype and texting &mdash; all opportunities for laughter and good conversation &mdash; are going to be of much higher importance. And if things go well, sex is&nbsp;<em>still</em> on the table. Phone sex, sexting, cam sessions via Skype or Facetime&hellip; these are all ways that you can connect with others sexually, even if you can&rsquo;t be there in the flesh. It&rsquo;s not quite the same as an old-fashioned in-person hook-up, but it&nbsp;<em>will</em> have much the same effect. That validation of your desirability as a partner, the sexual connection with others and the reminder that your ex wasn&rsquo;t the&nbsp;<em>only</em> woman in the world are all still available to you. You may have to be creative about it&hellip; but what&rsquo;s a quarantine good for if&nbsp;<em>not</em> learning how to try new and different things?</p> <p>I&rsquo;m not gonna lie; it&rsquo;s a rough time right now. But that doesn&rsquo;t mean that the world has come to a halt. We&rsquo;re still living, we&rsquo;re still loving and still moving forward. Take the time to heal and connect with others &mdash; platonically as well as romantically.</p> <p>You&rsquo;ll be ok. I promise.</p> <p>All will be well.</p> <hr><p><strong>Hello Dr. NerdLove,</strong></p> <p><strong>For the longest time I really didn&rsquo;t care about love. I&rsquo;m all sorts of neuroatypical, and it took me a long time to sort out my orientation and gender identity, so all through my teens and early 20s, I was already grateful to have a few friends. Dating was way too complicated given how hard it was for me to even get out of my room. But little by little I became better at all things social, and while I&rsquo;m still much of a weirdo, I&rsquo;m no longer a loner. So I started thinking about love.</strong></p> <p><strong>About five years ago, when I was 21, I met my first love. She was an amazing young woman, and we became close friends. She was also very religious, and going through one shitty boyfriend after another. Those guys would use her commitment, cheat on her, then flung her aside. She was in a really bad place. It brought us even closer since I&rsquo;m a good listener, I convinced her to give therapy a try and she managed to get better &ndash; this was her doing, I was just happy to support her. Eventually I confessed, and she told me very gently that she didn&rsquo;t reciprocate &ndash; she was totally straight. We remained friends of course. A few years ago she finally met someone worthwhile and she&rsquo;s happy with him. I&rsquo;m friends with both of them, and she still comes to me when she needs someone to listen to her.</strong></p> <p><strong>Last year I met another amazing woman. This one was bi &ndash; making progress. But she was dating someone and seemed quite happy with him. I would have taken that as a non-starter, except this woman behaved very ambiguously with me, playfully flirting, caressing me, etc. I&rsquo;m aware I&rsquo;m bad at reading signals, so I showed our convos to several people who all told me this was 100% flirting. I would have been cool with her being poly or in an open relationship, but the ambiguity of it all was really hurting me; I was falling in love more every day while not knowing if there was a chance. So I decided to ask her point blank if her behaviour meant anything or if this was just her way of being friends &ndash; and as I&rsquo;d suspected, it was the latter. Finally knowing there was no chance of us getting together was preferable to the uncertainty, even though I was disappointed of course. But she seems to be very much in love with her boyfriend, and while I&rsquo;ve never met him he seems like a good guy. I&rsquo;m of the opinion that feelings are fluid, and if you think of someone romantically then you can also be their friend. So even though I still get a pang of sadness when I see her, I&rsquo;m really happy to just be friends with her, and I&rsquo;m sure my feelings will dull eventually.</strong></p> <p><strong>But as you see, I seem to have a knack for becoming friends with amazing people&hellip; who don&rsquo;t want to be more than friends with me. That&rsquo;s logical: when you&rsquo;re this amazing, people take notice, and so by the time they meet me there&rsquo;s a good chance they&rsquo;ve already found the one. I hope I never stop becoming friends with amazing people&hellip; But I&rsquo;d really like, at some point, to find one who actually wants to date me as well. How do I find someone like that ? How do I get to be the one, for once ?</strong></p> <p><strong>Thank you for your help,</strong></p> <p><strong>Sincerely,</strong><br><strong>Unsure and bittersweet</strong></p> <p>There are two things you need to do, UAB. The first is seemingly obvious, but I&rsquo;m not entirely sure you&rsquo;ve taken the step yet: you have to put yourself out there. It&rsquo;s not enough to just decide &ldquo;hey, I&rsquo;m ready to fall in love!&rdquo; and wait for the universe to provide. You have to make sure that folks&nbsp;<em>know</em> that you&rsquo;re young, single and ready to mingle. Businesses have to advertise, writers and artists have to market themselves and single folks need to make it clear that they&rsquo;re out, available and actively looking.</p> <p>That means doing things like getting on the dating apps, especially right now, as we&rsquo;re in the middle of a pandemic and everyone&rsquo;s on lockdown. So the first thing you need to do is download the apps (I recommend Hinge, Bumble and OKCupid to start), <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8E0bmex5Qc" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">get some great looking photos</a>, fill out your profile and start swiping. It&rsquo;ll take a bit of time as you learn how to spot what you&rsquo;re looking for, but those hot awesome bi or gay singles &mdash; or even poly folks &mdash;&nbsp;<em>are&nbsp;</em>out there.</p> <p>But for your next step&hellip; have you considered asking your friends if they had some single friends that they could hook you up with?</p> <p>Here&rsquo;s the thing: you may have heard the saying &ldquo;<a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/5-must-follow-man-rules/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with</a>&ldquo;. This is 100% true. Despite what <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/instant-charisma/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat told us</a> (Google it, kids), opposites&nbsp;<em>don&rsquo;t</em> attract. With friends, as with romantic partners, we tend to attract&nbsp; &mdash; and are attracted to &mdash; people who are like us. For your purposes, this means that your awesome friends are much more likely to have friends who are&nbsp;<em>as</em> awesome. Now, whether those awesome friends are a) your type and b) of a compatible sexual orientation is an open question. But just as you need to advertise yourself to other like-minded singles, you need to let your&nbsp;<em>friends</em> know that you&rsquo;re actively looking and would appreciate if they&rsquo;d hook a buddy up.</p> <p>And seeing as we&rsquo;re all under quarantine at the moment, you&rsquo;re actually in a position to take the plague lemons that life&rsquo;s thrown your way and turn them into a quarantini. If your friends&nbsp;<em>do</em>, in fact, have someone who&rsquo;s awesome, single and leans your direction, setting up a virtual happy-hour (or tea party or whatever suits your fancy) is the perfect way to get to know them in a low-stakes, low-investment way. Rather than the potential awkwardness of your friends throwing you two together in a room and saying &ldquo;I think you two would click NOW KISS&rdquo;, you can have a social gathering that lets you meet them in an organic fashion. If you two get along over the course of this virtual hangout, it&rsquo;ll feel like the most natural thing in the world to say &ldquo;Hey, I had a great time talking to you; can I add you on Facebook/Snapchat/WhatsApp?&rdquo;</p> <p>Once you do that, you&rsquo;re in a position to get to know each other &mdash; and do some low-key flirting &mdash; on your own time. And while things didn&rsquo;t work out with your friends, you&rsquo;ll be in a position for lightning to strike and love to find a way.</p> <p>Good luck.</p> <p>&nbsp;</p> <div class="wp_rp_wrap wp_rp_vertical_m" id="wp_rp_first"><div class="wp_rp_content"><h3 class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post wp_rp"><li data-position="0" data-poid="in-15561" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/is-it-a-good-time-to-get-back-with-my-ex/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Is-This-a-good-time-to-get-back-with-my-ex_-150x150.png" alt="Is It A Good Time To Get Back With My Ex?" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/is-it-a-good-time-to-get-back-with-my-ex/" class="wp_rp_title">Is It A Good Time To Get Back With My Ex?</a></li><li data-position="1" data-poid="in-11876" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-my-boyfriend-joined-the-alt-right-what-do-i-do/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/My-boyfriend-joined-the-alt-right.-What-do-I-do_-150x150.png" alt="Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Joined The Alt-Right. What Do I Do?" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-my-boyfriend-joined-the-alt-right-what-do-i-do/" class="wp_rp_title">Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Joined The Alt-Right. 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I&#8217;ve read through some of your material and it&#8217;s helped me so far. Now, in order for my question to make sense I have to give some context. I&#8217;ll try and shorten this down as much as I can. Met a girl [&#8230;]</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/is-it-a-good-time-to-get-back-with-my-ex/">Is It A Good Time To Get Back With My Ex?</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com">Paging Dr. NerdLove</a>.</p> <!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40/loose.dtd"> <html><body><p><strong>Dear Dr. NerdLove:</strong></p> <p><strong>First off, I&rsquo;m really glad you do what you do. I&rsquo;ve read through some of your material and it&rsquo;s helped me so far.</strong></p> <p><strong>Now, in order for my question to make sense I have to give some context. I&rsquo;ll try and shorten this down as much as I can.</strong></p> <p><strong>Met a girl through OKCupid sometime in 2016. Hit it off right away. She blew my mind and I was head over heels for her.</strong></p> <p><strong>She was on again/off again with her (now) ex, and I met her during an &ldquo;off&rdquo; time. Well, I went to my first year of college out of state, and then transferred to a school in-state. So I was talking to here more once I was back. She was now dating her ex again.</strong></p> <p><strong>From the beginning I could easily tell she liked me. That kind of attention and chemistry &ndash; I knew there was something there and it wasn&rsquo;t just me. But she was still dating this guy.</strong></p> <p><strong>Well, I was awash with infatuation and I wasn&rsquo;t ready to walk away, so I stuck around. She was everything I&rsquo;d ever wanted. Smart, passionate, a gamer and artist, had drive and goals, had a good head on her shoulders, good person, and drop dead gorgeous. Full package deal. Amazing.</strong></p> <p><strong>From my perspective though, across the next 4 years, I felt&hellip; I felt like I wasn&rsquo;t being treated well. It didn&rsquo;t help that she was into me and was still dating her ex, and was torn, and dealing with her own emotions and life, etc &ndash; and I also let it continue. I couldn&rsquo;t walk away yet. Wanting her was far greater of a force than sticking up for my worth. We would only hang out sporadically, and rarely. It was always last minute and was late at night or something similar where I was compartmentalized from the rest of her life. We never *really* went out and did stuff. It was 99% of the time at her house, sitting and talking or watching a show. Not that I don&rsquo;t want that, but not at the expense of doing anything else.</strong></p> <p><strong>Well, I walked away the first time in 2018, and she roped me back in. Then again about 6 months later. Then about another 3-6 months after that.</strong></p> <p><strong>The last time she pulled me back into her life was at the end of August, last year. We met and talked for 3 hours, she confessed to having been REALLY into me this whole time (she had even had dreams about me during the time I had walked away.) and just&hellip; didn&rsquo;t know how to handle that, didn&rsquo;t feel comfortable with it yet, etc.</strong></p> <p><strong>She said she only came back because she felt like she was over her ex and wanted to treat me right instead of as a recovery. She even kissed me.</strong></p> <p><strong>Well, she&rsquo;d been planning and working up to transferring/going to school across the country, and it was going to happen starting in January.</strong></p> <p><strong>So I wanted to make the last 4 months she was here great: go on adventures, eat, have a blast, and have some fun in the bedroom. (Which she had opened up about wanting for awhile, but again wasn&rsquo;t comfortable with it yet.) (we never did.)</strong></p> <p><strong>So we hung out a few times, and then, of course, it felt like it went back to how it had been before: rarely seeing each other, at-arm&rsquo;s-length, compartmentalized, etc.</strong></p> <p><strong>I ended up not seeing her at all for about the last month of her being here, and I called her while she was at a hotel room in St. Louis while on her drive to school. Basically, I ended it. I told her that we hadn&rsquo;t actually taken any steps forward and I needed to walk away. I think she knew the conversation was coming but was hoping it wouldn&rsquo;t. When I told her this was it, she talked about how I was one of the only people in her life anymore that she felt close enough to and trusted enough to talk about things with, etc etc.<br></strong><br><strong>She then added that &ldquo;I figured we would keep talking and stuff and we would pick up where we left off when I came back for the summer, just like I&rsquo;ve done with&hellip; all&hellip; my&hellip; relationships&hellip;.&rdquo; (I used ellipses to try and show how, when she said this, she ended up slowly trailing off as the sentence went on, because I think she realized how shitty it sounded.)</strong></p> <p><strong>I told her that it wasn&rsquo;t fair to me to wait around and essentially twiddle my thumbs until she came back, with no guarantee of it actually being anything when she did. I shouldn&rsquo;t have to put my life on hold anymore than I already had.</strong></p> <p><strong>I told her that, if she reaches a point in her life where she wants me to be a part of it and I&rsquo;m a legitimate priority, she should come and find me and we would see what happens. (A priority as opposed to what felt like just an option &ndash; because I was never really a priority &ndash; other friends, family, and other things were always more important or urgent than me.) it ended amicably, I told her I loved her and to &ldquo;go be successful&rdquo;.</strong></p> <p><strong>I will say, up front, that I know I had issues of my own that were a problem. I had expectations, I had a lot of trust issues.</strong></p> <p><strong>She has insecurities and self worth issues, and I was honestly looking to her to give my life meaning for a long time. Not the most recent stint, but for a long time before I was.</strong></p> <p><strong>Sorry if that was a bit long winded, it&rsquo;s a long story.</strong></p> <p><strong>NOW &ndash; it&rsquo;s been almost 3 months since she&rsquo;s left, and we haven&rsquo;t spoken since. I do still care about her, and there is a large part of me that misses her. That&rsquo;s the same part of me that is considering contacting her and seeing how she&rsquo;s doing. (In part to see if she&rsquo;s ok, given the recent pandemic going on.) part of me misses her. Still wants her. Still wants to do all the things we said we&rsquo;d do. I don&rsquo;t want to have her as a regret in my life because we didn&rsquo;t actually move forward. And I still want her.</strong></p> <p><strong>However &ndash; do I trust her again and believe that things will be different? Is it a waste of my time and energy to invite her back in, given that she will be going back to school I&rsquo;m the fall and, once graduated, be moving to that end of the country/somewhere else in pursuit of her career? Am I BS&rsquo;ing myself in thinking that there really actually was a chance for anything to happen, or was she just not being truly honest with herself and didn&rsquo;t have the same feelings? Was her indecision and at-arms-length treatment a much better indicator of her interest and intentions than her words?</strong></p> <p><strong>And lastly, do I miss HER or am I really just struggling to feel like I have a chance finding someone else as amazing, or that I&rsquo;m worth being with someone else as amazing?</strong></p> <p><strong>I&rsquo;ve struggled with feeling &ldquo;good enough&rdquo; for most of my life &ndash; one of my parents was always critical, even when given a compliment, and I think it created my struggles with self worth, or at least started them. I&rsquo;m much better now, but I&rsquo;m wondering if it&rsquo;s really that I&rsquo;m feeling like I have a better chance with her than anyone else because I&rsquo;m &ldquo;not worthy&rdquo; of love.</strong></p> <p><strong>I don&rsquo;t know. I&rsquo;ve been mulling over this for about a week, and I&rsquo;m just filled with uncertainty. Is there a &ldquo;litmus rest&rdquo; or a question to ask myself in order to weed through some of these thoughts?</strong></p> <p><strong>I hope you can help, I&rsquo;m not sure what to do/how to approach this.</strong></p> <p><strong>Also, probably way too wordy, so sorry for that.</strong></p> <p><strong>Really appreciate the help,</strong></p> <p><strong>Just When I Think I&rsquo;m Out&hellip;</strong></p> <p><span id="more-15561"></span></p> <p>Ok JWITIO, have you ever heard the phrase &ldquo;the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result?&rdquo; That&rsquo;s where you&rsquo;re at, right now. The idea that a) she&rsquo;s going to come back and b) things will be different is&hellip; well, honestly it&rsquo;s kind of laughable, if I&rsquo;m perfectly honest. I mean, dude. You&rsquo;ve been in this pattern for&nbsp;<em>four! YEARS!&nbsp;</em>You know&nbsp;<em>exactly</em> how this is going to play out if you go back.</p> <p>Now look, I get it. God knows in my time I&rsquo;ve had folks who played the &ldquo;go away a little closer&rdquo; game that kept me on the hook for a while. But sometimes it can help to examine just what was going on with her&hellip; and <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/why-am-i-still-not-over-my-ex/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">why you&rsquo;re having such a hard time getting over her.</a></p> <p>I&rsquo;m going to be blunt: you were never really in the running for being her boyfriend. You were, at best, a distraction. You provided her emotional intimacy and validation but that&rsquo;s it&hellip; and always on her terms and her schedule. I mean, let&rsquo;s start with the fact that she was in a closed, monogamous relationship and she&rsquo;s keeping you around and telling you how into you she is. While it&rsquo;s true that sometimes <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/why-its-so-hard-to-break-up-when-you-need-to/">it can be hard to end a dodgy relationship</a> and some folks will start flirting (or even sleeping with) someone else <a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/what-to-do-when-youve-been-cheated-on/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">in order to force the break-up</a>, it&rsquo;s pretty clear that you were the guy she turned to because you&rsquo;d give her the emotional intimacy and validation she craved, without needing to give you anything from&nbsp;<em>her</em> end of things.</p> <p>You even say it yourself:</p> <blockquote><p><strong>We would only hang out sporadically, and rarely. It was always last minute and was late at night or something similar where I was compartmentalized from the rest of her life. We never really went out and did stuff. It was 99% of the time at her house, sitting and talking or watching a show. Not that I don&rsquo;t want that, but not at the expense of doing anything else.</strong></p></blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;m sorry dude but you were her emotional side-piece. Her &ldquo;in case of feels emergency, break glass&rdquo; pseudo-boyfriend. That&rsquo;s why you&rsquo;d get those last-minute, can&rsquo;t-go-anywhere-we-might-be-seen hang-out invitations. She didn&rsquo;t want to take the risk of word getting out that she was hanging out with you, while also giving you just enough to keep you on the line. It&rsquo;s pretty significant that for all that she tells you how she&rsquo;s SO into you and has dreams about you and wants to &ldquo;treat you right&rdquo;, literally&nbsp;<em>nothing</em> ever happened. She never treated you like a boyfriend or a potential lover. She gave you just enough hope to think that this might be the time you two finally got together because it kept you around.</p> <p>Shit dude, she <em>literally</em> said that she wanted you sticking around until she decided to come back again. Once you said &ldquo;Yo, I&rsquo;m out,&rdquo; and meant it, she couldn&rsquo;t even keep up the pretense that anything would happen. It&rsquo;s not that she realized how shitty things sounded as she said them, it&rsquo;s more that she realized that this line was going to work this time.</p> <p>So no. Getting back in touch with her would be a&nbsp;<em>profoundly</em> stupid idea. All you&rsquo;re going to get is the 12&Prime; dance remix of the last four years, with her dangling just enough hope in front of you that you keep giving her what she wants and receive literally nothing in return.</p> <p>That&rsquo;s no way to live, man.</p> <p>Like I said: I get it. She&rsquo;s a lot like an earworm; you&rsquo;ve had this little fantasy playing in your head all this time and you really want to make things happen so that you can finally close the loop and exorcise the song. But that&rsquo;s not gonna happen. It&rsquo;s&nbsp;<em>never</em> going to happen. You&rsquo;re a kitten chasing after a laser pointer; even if you &ldquo;catch&rdquo; it, there&rsquo;s nothing&nbsp;<em>to</em> catch.</p> <p>But here&rsquo;s the thing: the reason why it&rsquo;s so hard for you to give her up is because you&rsquo;ve spent so much time on her. I mean, four years is a long-ass time to be carrying a torch for someone. If you were to give up now, it&rsquo;s going to feel like those four years were for nothing, and that&rsquo;s really hard to accept. It&rsquo;s what&rsquo;s known as<a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/protect-yourself-from-a-broken-heart/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> the sunk cost fallacy</a>; you don&rsquo;t want to admit that you lost all that time and effort and so you throw even MORE at it in hopes of making things work. But it won&rsquo;t. The only healthy option you have here is to write this off as a loss, learn from it and move forward.</p> <p>And before you ask: no, there is no way to try to keep this to just being a &ldquo;just friends&rdquo; thing. That&rsquo;s the emotional equivalent of playing &ldquo;just the tip&rdquo;; all that&rsquo;s going to happen is that you&rsquo;re going to get roped back in again and then having this exact same conversation three to six months down the line.</p> <p>So you need to excise her from your life. You need to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_-O7M3XkZU" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">treat this like a break-up</a>. That means it&rsquo;s time to t<a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-deal-with-your-ex/">ake the Nuclear Option</a> and cut off all the forms of contact you have with her. That means deleting her number and texts, blocking her on social media, archiving all of her emails and gathering up all the souvenirs of your relationship and stashing them away. You want to put as many steps between you and your getting back in contact with her; the more effort it takes to reach her, the easier it is to resist. Right now there just isn&rsquo;t any way that you can contact her that won&rsquo;t end in your getting sucked back in, so you need to make it as difficult as possible.</p> <p>And while you&rsquo;re doing that? You need to put yourself back out there. You&rsquo;ve spent four years hoping for a relationship that was never going to happen. That&rsquo;s four years that you could&rsquo;ve spent finding someone who is&nbsp;<em>just</em> as awesome as her &mdash; if not more so &mdash; but who also&nbsp;<em>wants you back.&nbsp;</em>You may never get that time back, but that doesn&rsquo;t mean you can&rsquo;t start now and find somebody else.</p> <p>Letting her go is the kindest thing you can do for yourself. You worry about feeling good enough. You worry about being worthy of love and affection. Here is a truth: there is no expression of self-love and self-worth greater than to tell yourself that you deserve&nbsp;<em>more&nbsp;</em>and&nbsp;<em>better</em> than anything she was offering you.&nbsp;It&rsquo;s not whether&nbsp;<em>you&nbsp;</em>are good enough for the love of other people, it&rsquo;s whether&nbsp;<em>they</em> are good enough for&nbsp;<em>your</em> love, time and attention. And your ex? She very clearly&nbsp;<em>isn&rsquo;t</em>.</p> <p>To quote the sage: &ldquo;I may love you, yeah,&nbsp;<em>but I love me more.</em>&rdquo;</p> <p>Cut her off and cut her out, man. It&rsquo;s hard to let go of a dream, but sometimes the point of a dream is to wake up from it.</p> <p>It&rsquo;s time to start the next chapter in your life.</p> <p>You&rsquo;ve got this.</p> <p>All will be well.</p> <div class="wp_rp_wrap wp_rp_vertical_m" id="wp_rp_first"><div class="wp_rp_content"><h3 class="related_post_title">Related Posts</h3><ul class="related_post wp_rp"><li data-position="0" data-poid="in-11769" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-is-it-time-to-leave-2/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/The-Canadian-Rockies-150x150.png" alt="Ask Dr. NerdLove: Is It Time To Leave?" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-is-it-time-to-leave-2/" class="wp_rp_title">Ask Dr. NerdLove: Is It Time To Leave?</a></li><li data-position="1" data-poid="in-4558" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-heal-my-wounds/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/AskDrNerdLove-150x150.jpg" alt="Ask Dr. NerdLove: Heal My Wounds" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-heal-my-wounds/" class="wp_rp_title">Ask Dr. NerdLove: Heal My Wounds</a></li><li data-position="2" data-poid="in-11876" data-post-type="none"><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-my-boyfriend-joined-the-alt-right-what-do-i-do/" class="wp_rp_thumbnail"><img src="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/06/My-boyfriend-joined-the-alt-right.-What-do-I-do_-150x150.png" alt="Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Joined The Alt-Right. What Do I Do?" width="150" height="150"></a><a href="https://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-my-boyfriend-joined-the-alt-right-what-do-i-do/" class="wp_rp_title">Ask Dr. NerdLove: My Boyfriend Joined The Alt-Right. 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I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to work. I didn't want to eat healthy. I didn't want to work out. I didn't want to go on walks. I didn't want to read my self improvement books. I didn't want to do anything.I was wildly unmotivated and didn't want to do any of the things that I normally LOVE doing. I went into deep analysis to try and figure out what my problem was.I realized I lost my passion with work. Over the next 1.5 weeks I tried to figure<img src="http://static.wixstatic.com/media/bc1981_72eb78b35262489b9829bd15de53a204%7Emv2.jpg"/> <div><img src="http://static.wixstatic.com/media/bc1981_72eb78b35262489b9829bd15de53a204~mv2.jpg"/><div>About a month ago, I was soooo sad. I didn't want to get out of bed. I didn't want to work. I didn't want to eat healthy. I didn't want to work out. I didn't want to go on walks. I didn't want to read my self improvement books. I didn't want to do anything.</div><div>I was wildly unmotivated and didn't want to do any of the things that I normally LOVE doing. I went into deep analysis to try and figure out what my problem was.</div><div>I realized I lost my passion with work. Over the next 1.5 weeks I tried to figure out why. Finally, after speaking to about 6 friends (in depth) and multiple family members I realized because I made work about making money.</div><div>And, don't get me wrong, I am running a business, and income is an important metric. </div><div>But, the reason I got into business was to help people fall in love and be happy. </div><div>Thus, I needed to drastically change my mind set ASAP. </div><div>I needed every motion, every thought to be geared towards helping my clients. I needed my being to embody SERVING!</div><div>I jumped into immediate action.</div><div>One of my clients owed me money, but got diagnosed with cancer. I told her, don't worry about the bill. I GOT YOU.</div><div>Next, I had a brand new client agree to terms. Not that she needed the money, but I told her to pay me less just because it felt good and more aligned with my new guiding purpose.</div><div>That day, I started to feel a bit better.</div><div>Then, for the next few weeks, every day was about serving. How can I help more? How can I give more?</div><div>And at times, how can I hold my client more accountable instead of just thinking, &quot;welp, they are not doing the work, but they paid me, so ohhhhhhhhhhh well.&quot;</div><div>NOPE! No more oh wells. No more packing it in. </div><div>If someone needs a virtual smack across the head, they are getting it. Because I don't care about the money, I care about delivering the result we discussed.</div><div>Now, weeks later, I am feeling like myself again. Someone with supreme purpose, someone who was put on this earth to help people.</div><div>Big Yoga &quot;AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH&quot;</div><div>Man do I feel good!</div><div>NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW...</div><div>On Friday February 21 my beloved bike was stolen. It was parked in my gated garage and connected to steel piping with a kryptonite lock. The burglar used bolt cutters and cut the kryptonite chain lock.</div><div>I was contacted by a friend via text that my bike was stolen. I walked over to where I parked my biked to confirm that my friend was not messing with me. She was telling the truth.</div><div>My first thought was, &quot;Wow, how sad that someone needs to steal bikes. I am so glad I don't need to do that.&quot;</div><div>Second thought, &quot;This is annoying, I have a busy day and will now need to do a police report and call insurance, and so on.&quot;</div><div>Third thought, &quot;What a great opportunity to go build a new bike. I am looking forward to that.&quot;</div><div>Final thought, &quot;I wish I could meet the burglar. I wish we could become great friends. If we became friends, and then told me his story about why he wanted the bike, I probably would have gifted it to him.&quot;</div><div>So why did I tell you this story?</div><div>A month or two ago, I didn't care about life. I felt hopeless. It was because I felt like I had zero purpose.</div><div>Although it didn't happen overnight. With the support of friends and family I discovered the one big thing I needed to change.</div><div>Next, once I get myself in order and living at my highest vibration, there was nothing that was going to derail me.</div><div>Even when someone stole my bike that I used all the time and loved I was not upset. Not even 1% of me was upset. All I felt was immense abundance and soooo much gratification that I am lucky enough to be able to go buy another one.</div><div>On top of talking to friends and family who</div><div>1. Listened to me complain (Thank you for that!)</div><div>2. Offered me possible solutions</div><div>I also decided that daily I would write 3 things that I am grateful for. (Some days I miss) but for the most part I try to write down what I am grateful for.</div><div>I have been posting what I am grateful for on my facebook/linkedin accounts. If you would like to see what I am grateful, search for EZ Dating Coach on Facebook and follow me. (Also, at the bottom of ever gratitude post I ask, &quot;What are you grateful for today?&quot;)</div><div>I would love to hear your responses as often as you are willing to share. I have found it very helpful. It allows me to move far away from the scarcity mindset and up close and personal with the ABUNDANCE MINDSET.</div><div>I would highly suggest trying it for yourself especially if you find yourself getting sad from time to time.</div><div>Anyway, thanks for listening to me blabber. I love you.</div><div>See you next rant.</div><div>In Full and abundant service of you and to you,</div><div>Mike</div></div> How To Make Him Feel Like A King https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/02/18/How-To-Make-Him-Feel-Like-A-King ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:351415b7-6f35-1248-3a01-7702f89af3e8 Tue, 18 Feb 2020 18:23:54 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/Gv2wT0xcAu4/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Gv2wT0xcAu4"/></div> How To Get Him To Commit To Dating Exlusively https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/02/11/How-To-Get-Him-To-Commit-To-Dating-Exlusively ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:a38bd98c-80d8-0e7f-d2dd-443076fa27af Tue, 11 Feb 2020 18:48:02 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/OzslLPq2txw/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OzslLPq2txw"/></div> How To Not Ruin A Relationship https://www.ezdatingcoach.com/single-post/2020/02/04/How-To-Not-Ruin-A-Relationship ezdatingcoach urn:uuid:20a2d801-f26e-3986-0a7d-18f4fe4ecb11 Tue, 04 Feb 2020 16:54:43 +0000 <img src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/QQVqGt5E_E0/mqdefault.jpg"/> <div><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QQVqGt5E_E0"/></div>